Stats all folks!

Selecting an all-star team is something totally subjective, coloured by teams and players the selector has loved or hated, cheered or booed. No-one can argue with statistics, however, so, armed with the brief to compile an NFL dream team purely from players who sit atop a statistical category, I popped on my hoody, channeled my inner Bill Belichick and got to work.

Bart Starr 1956-1971
Category – Career playoff quarterback rating
The argument about the greatest passer to ever play rages on, with Tom Brady and Joe Montana inevitably forming the final two, and Peyton Manning, Brett Favre, Dan Marino and Johnny Unitas in there somewhere. Bart Starr, however, won three NFL Championships and was then MVP as Green Bay Packers triumphed in Super Bowls I and II. His rating in the playoffs, when the NFL turns into a knockout competition, tops Montana, Brady et al.

Marion Motley 1946-1953, 1955
Career rushing average

In the modern game, the fullback position is barely an afterthought but old-school fans love the three-yards-and-a-cloud-of-dust battering rams. A 16.5-stone beast at fullback and linebacker for Cleveland from 1946 to 1953, Motley led the Browns to four straight AAFC Championships then an NFL Championship. The bruising Motley retired with a 5.8-yard average per carry, a mark that still stands.

Running back
Emmitt Smith 1990-2004
Career rushing yards

A three-time Super Bowl champion and MVP of Super Bowl XXVIII with Dallas Cowboys, Smith eclipsed the record of arguably the greatest ever running back, Walter Payton, to become the NFL’s all-time leading rusher on 27 October 2002. Like the quarterback position, though, Smith probably doesn’t feature in the debate between Payton, Jim Brown (aka Fireball in The Running Man) and the electrifying Barry Sanders.

Wide receiver
Jerry Rice 1985-2004
Career receptions, TDs, yards

The GOAT. Try finding a statistical category in which Rice (13 Pro Bowls, three Super Bowl wins, Super Bowl XXIII MVP) isn’t top. Voted the greatest NFL player ever by NFL Network in 2010. With good reason.

Wide receiver
Julio Jones 2011-
Career yards per game

How the game has changed. Jones, star of losing Super Bowl LI side Atlanta, tops this list, followed by Odell Beckham Jr, Calvin Johnson (retired 2015), AJ Green and Antonio Brown. Lance Alworth (13th) is the only pre-80s receiver in the top 15.

Tight end
Tony Gonzalez 1997-2013
Career receiving yards (as a tight end)

College basketball player Gonzalez paved the way for the modern generation of pass-catching tight ends. A model of professionalism, T-Gon played for 17 years in the world’s most brutal sport, missing just two games.

Offensive line
Tackle Lomas Brown 1985-2002
Tackle Mike Kenn 1978-1994
Guard Kevin Mawae 1994-2009
Guard Bruce Matthews 1983-2001
Centre Mick Tingelhoff 1962-1978

Career starts
Offensive linemen don’t get stats so this is the line made up of the five ironmen with the most games started in their career – over 1,200 starts between them.

Defensive end
Bruce Smith 1985-2003
Career sacks

The sack didn’t become an official stat until 1982 so the likes of Deacon Jones’s downing of passers goes undocumented. Bruce Smith was a quarterback’s nightmare for 19 seasons, racking up 200 sacks.

Nose tackle
John Randle 1990-2003
Career sacks (as defensive tackle)

Randle tops the unofficial categories of best trash talking and most creative use of eye-black for his gameday look. He’s also the defensive tackle with the most sacks since 1982.

Defensive end
Reggie White 1985-2000
Career sacks (2nd)
Two sacks behind Bruce Smith in second place on the sack list, the Minister of Defense was the heart of Philadelphia’s fearsome unit under Buddy Ryan, before ‘God told him to move to Green Bay’, where he won a Super Bowl.

Outside linebacker
Kevin Greene 1985-1999
Career sacks (as linebacker)
No-one looked like they were having more fun when they smashed into an opposing passer than Greene, the linebacker with the most career sacks. The Hall of Famer is now passing that joy on as a coach at the New York Jets.

Inside linebacker
Jessie Tuggle 1987-2000
Career tackles
Tackles aren’t an official NFL statistic but according to Pro Football Reference, Tuggle, who spent all 14 years of his career as an Atlanta Falcon, racked up 1,640 of them. That includes back-to-back 200-tackle seasons from 1990 to 1991.

Inside linebacker
Ray Lewis 1996-2012
Career tackles (2nd)
The spirit of the intimidating Baltimore defense, Lewis preyed on ball-carriers from the middle of the field for 17 years. Voted Super Bowl MVP in 2000, Lewis won two Super Bowl rings and went to the Pro Bowl 13 times.

Outside linebacker
DeMarcus Ware 2005-2016
Career sacks (as linebacker, 2nd)
Nine-time Pro Bowler Ware led the NFL in sacks from 2011 to 2012 as a Cowboy. The linebacker moved to Denver in 2014 where he formed a devastating pass-rushing combo with Von Miller and won Super Bowl 50.

Rod Woodson 1987-2003
Career interception return yards
Woodson was a star cornerback for a decade with Pittsburgh, then switched positions to safety in 1999 with Baltimore and promptly led the league in interceptions, repeating the feat with Oakland three years later.

Ronnie Lott 1981-1994
Career playoff interceptions
Like Woodson, four-time Super Bowl champion and 10-time Pro Bowler Lott also made a successful swap from cornerback to safety, where he turned himself into a snot-bubbling hitter on Bill Walsh’s legendary San Francisco 49ers team.

Ed Reed 2002-2013
Career interception return yards
Reed was a defensive player who could make things happen with the ball in his hands. In 2004, he returned an interception for an NFL-record 106 yards then broke it by a yard four years later.

Asante Samuel 2003-2013
Career playoff interception touchdowns, yards
No-one in NFL history has returned the ball further (227 yards) or for more touchdowns in the playoffs (four) than Samuel. He won Super Bowls with New England in his first two seasons and was a runner-up in his last before moving to Philly.

Dan Bailey 2011-
Career field goal percentage
In his seventh season, Bailey has established himself as money when it comes to kicking field goals. The Dallas Cowboy is the leader in career field goal percentage, having hit 178 of his 198 attempts (89.9%).

Shane Lechler 2000-
Career yards per punt
Despite playing for 16 years with Oakland and currently with Houston Texans, the powerful-legged Lechler remains top of the punting pile when it comes to yards per kick – with 47.5 yards.

Kick returner
Gale Sayers 1965-1971
Career kick return average
One of the most electric players ever to grace the gridiron, Sayers led the NFL in rushing in two of his seven seasons with Chicago Bears. Forty-six years after he retired, his kick return average is still the benchmark.

Punt returner
Devin Hester 2006-2016
Career punt return touchdowns
There were questions over Chicago’s drafting of Hester in 2006. By Week 13 that year, he’d returned two kickoffs, three punts and a missed field goal for touchdowns, then became the first man to return the Super Bowl opening kickoff for a score.


2017 NFL season preview – Pittsburgh Steelers

2016 Record: 11-5; 1st AFC North
Head coach: Mike Tomlin (Steelers W/L: 111-63, Career W/L: 111-63)
VP & General manager: Kevin Colbert

Key ins: DE Tyson Alualu Jaguars; RB Knile Davis Chiefs; WR Justin Hunter Bills; CB Coty Sensabaugh Titans
Key outs: CB Justin Gilbert; TE Ladarius Green; LB Jarvis Jones; DE Ricardo Matthews; LB Lawrence Timmons; WR Markus Wheaton; RB DeAngelo Williams; RB Karlos Williams

Draftees: R1 (30) LB TJ Watt, Wisconsin; R2 (62) WR JuJu Smith-Schuster, USC; R3 (94) CB Cameron Sutton, Tennessee; R3 (105) RB James Connor, Pittsburgh; R4 (135) QB Joshua Dobbs, Tennessee; R5 (173) DB Brian Allen, Utah; R6 (213) LS Colin Holba, Louisville; R7 (248) DE Keion Adams, Western Michigan

That collective sigh of relief you could hear was Steelers fans reacting to the sight of Ben Roethlisberger in black, white and gold at OTAs last month. In the aftermath of the battering at the hands of the Patriots in the AFC Championship, Big Ben threatened to walk away from the game.

All those offseason sleepless nights, waking in a cold sweat by nightmares of seeing Landry Jones atop the depth chart are just an unhappy memory for twizzlers of the Terrible Towel and Steelers management, who’d have been rushed into a succession plan.

At 35, the two-time Super Bowl winner remains Pittsburgh’s best shot at a seventh Vince Lombardi Trophy. He starts the season just over 3,000 yards short of 50,000 career passing yards – a milestone reached only by Peyton Manning, Brett Favre, Drew Brees, Tom Brady, Dan Marino and John Elway. Only in the first two years of his 13-season career has Roethlisberger thrown for less than 3,000, which would see him top the mark in his 14th season. Steeler great Terry Bradshaw marshalled the offense for 14 years, passing for a mere 27,989 yards en route to four Super Bowl titles – if that’s not worthy of a ‘the game done changed’ klaxon, I don’t know what is.

Big Ben will be happy to have wide receiver Martavis Bryant back on the end of his passes. Two months after the quarterback said Bryant had to “toughen up” in wintry AFC North clashes, the young wide receiver was handed a year-long suspension for violation of the league’s substance abuse policy.

It was a blow for the talented player, who had scored 15 touchdowns in eight starts over his first two seasons. The 6ft 4in Clemson product claims that he’s turned his life around and credits teammates Ramon Foster and Maurkice Pouncey for their support during his suspension.

Bryant should return to his role as Robin to Batman Antonio Brown. Batma… sorry Brown signed a new five-year deal in February to make him the highest-paid WR in history. Since 2013, Brown has proven himself worthy of such a contract, having recorded two of the top five single-season catch totals (129 in 2014 and 136 a year later) plus 110 and 106-catch seasons, good for 481 receptions – the most ever in a four-year stretch.

2016 revelation Eli Rogers (48 for 594, 3 TDs in his rookie season) looked to have the slot spot sewn up until the Steelers surprisingly drafted JuJu Smith-Schuster in the second round. The USC pass-catcher, whose physical style, hands and smarts have drawn comparisons to Hines Ward, will be on the field in four-receiver sets, starter or not. WR4 will be a battle between Sammie Coates, who’s struggled since being drafted 87th overall in 2015, free agent signee Justin Hunter (three teams in two seasons) and 30-year-old Darrius Heyward-Bey in his fourth year as a Steeler.

4 Antonio Brown (2016 RANKING 4)
9 Le’Veon Bell (2016 RANKING 41)
22 Ben Roethlisberger (2016 RANKING 21)
97 David DeCastro (2016 RANKING NR)

Jessie James won the starting job last year in the absence of big-name free agent signing Ladarius Green. The disappointing Green was hurt in the offseason until November, played six games then a concussion put him out for the season in Week 15. A failed medical in May led to his release a year into a four-year deal.

Hall of Fame guard Mike Munchak, a former head coach in Tennessee, took over as Tomlin’s offensive line coach in 2014. His unit is one of the best in the league, powered by centre Maurkice Pouncey, guards Ramon Foster and David DeCastro. Alejandro Villanueva and Marcus Gilbert on the outside are both on the verge of being Pro Bowlers.

They pave the way for arguably the NFL’s best running back, Le’Veon Bell. The franchise-tagged back would doubtless agree with that sentiment, having said a week ago that he wants to be paid as the No1 rusher and No2 receiver. If he could stay on the field, that contract would be a no-brainer, but over the past two years the 26 year old has missed 14 regular season games through injury and suspension and it’s possible this may be his last season in Steelers colours. As training camp opened this week, Bell was a no-show. His absence, however, may be a boon for the team, allowing rookie James Conner to get extra snaps after he missed some of OTAs.

21 Antonio Brown (2015 RANKING 2)
27 Le’Veon Bell (2015 RANKING NR)
36 Ramon Foster (2015 RANKING NR)
67 James Harrison (2015 RANKING 92)
80 David DeCastro (2015 RANKING NR)

The rookie is already nationwide news after sales of his jersey knocked Sir Thomas of Brady off the No1 spot this week. The third-round pick, from the University of Pittsburgh, is a feel-good story, having fought back from Hodgkin’s lymphoma to rush for 1,092 yards and 16 TDs last year. His bruising style will be a nice complement to Bell’s when the season kicks off. Knile Davis was signed from Kansas City for depth but will be used primarily on special teams.

Inside linebacker Ryan Shazier continued the proud tradition of Steeler ‘backers in 2016, with 87 tackles, 3.5 sacks, three interceptions, three forced fumbles and nine passes defensed on the way to a first Pro Bowl. In the playoffs he tacked on two more picks. The Ohio State product will have a new running mate in 2017 after Lawrence Timmons (team-leader in tackles for the last four years) left for South Beach in free agency.

Shazier was the franchise’s 2014 No1 pick (15) and will be joined on the field by this season’s 30th overall selection TJ Watt (yes, relation). JJ’s younger brother is the fourth linebacker taken in the first round by the Steelers in five years. Jarvis Jones (17, 2013) didn’t pan out and departed to become a Cardinal in the offseason. Bud Dupree (22, 2015)    had abdominal surgery in 2016 but closed out the season strongly with 4.5 sacks in four games. He’ll start opposite the ageless James Harrison on the outside with Watt working into the rotation. Harrison, at 38, had five sacks for the team-lead last season. Run-stuffer Vince Williams will step into Timmons’ shoes, having recorded 40 tackles and two sacks last time out.

The secondary is led by Mike Mitchell, the former Carolina Panther, for the fourth season. At 30, he provides the big hits and tutelage for the rest of a unit where all of the starters are 25 or under. 2016 rookies, first-round corner Artie Burns and second-round safety Sean Davis both started nine games in their debut season and both looked the part when called upon. Burns led the team with three interceptions and Davis was fourth in tackles. Ross Cockrell mans the other cornerback slot with veteran William Gay working in at corner and safety.

Burgeoning defensive end star Cameron Heyward saw action in only seven games last year due to pectoral surgery. A return to the form that saw him bag at team-leading 7.5 and 7.0 in 2015, ’15 will be a welcome sight for defensive coordinator Keith Butler. It will also make life easier for Stephon Tuitt, the fourth-year end out of Notre Dame. Tuitt has shown pass-rushing chops with 6.5 sacks in 2015 and four last season. The 10th overall pick in the 2010 Draft, Tyson Alualu joins the Steeler line after seven seasons without a winning record and brings versatility. At the nose, Javon Hargrave enters his second season after 13 starts in 2016. The rookie scored a touchdown in Week 11 when he recovered a Josh McCown fumble in the end zone against Cleveland.

That 24-9 victory at the Browns kick-started the Steelers season after a four-game losing streak turned a 4-1 start into 4-5. They wouldn’t lose the rest of the way in the regular season, finishing 11-5 before succumbing to the Patriots in the Conference Championship. With New England seemingly still the class of the AFC, the onus is on Tomlin and the Steelers to rip that title from them to add to their own packed Vince Lombardi Trophy cabinet.

2017 NFL season preview – Cleveland Browns

2016 Record: 1-15; 4th AFC North
Head coach: Hue Jackson (Browns W/L: 1-15, Career W/L: 9-23)
EVP of Football Operations: Sashi Brown

Key ins: WR Kenny Britt Rams; QB Brock Osweiler Texans; C/G JC Tretter Packers; WR James Wright Bengals; G Kevin Zeitler Bengals
Key outs: G Alvin Bailey; QB Robert Griffin III; WR Andrew Hawkins; S Tracy Howard; QB Josh McCown; DT Stephen Paea; G Austin Pasztor; S Jordan Poyer; WR Terrelle Pryor Sr; DB Tramon Williams

Draftees: R1 (1) DE Myles Garrett, Texas A&M; R1 (25) S Jabrill Peppers, Michigan; R1 (29) TE David Njoku, Miami; R2 (52) QB DeShone Kizer, Notre Dame; R3 (65) DT Larry Ojunjobi, North Carolina Charlotte; R4 (126) CB Howard Wilson, Houston; R5 (160) T Roderick Johnson, Florida State; R6 (185) DT Caleb Brantley, Florida; R7 (224) K Zane Gonzalez, Arizona State; R7 (252) RB Matt Dayes, NC State

Hue Jackson now knows what rock-bottom looks like. Even for a franchise that hasn’t strung winning seasons together since Marty Schottenheimer’s last and Bud Carson’s first (of one and a bit!) in 1988 and ’89, 2016 was rough. A franchise low of a 1-15 record (1999’s 2-12 was the previous worst) in his first year as Browns boss would have confirmed the task in front of him.

The former London Monarchs running backs coach inherited a roster that was promptly shorn of starters Mitchell Schwartz, Travis Benjamin, Tashaun Gipson and Alex Mack on the first day of free agency 2015. Donte Whitner and Karlos Dansby, would be cut later and, to the relief of Browns fans, Johnny Manziel and Dwayne Bowe also exited left.

Chief strategy officer Paul DePodesta, EVP of football operations Sashi Brown and Jackson purged the roster, set about accumulating draft picks, took their lumps through the 2016 season and, in January, were able to roll over $50.1 million of cap space into this season (only Jacksonville and San Francisco topped $30m).

They used some of that in an aggressive trade for Houston Texans’ unwanted quarterback Brock Osweiler. The QB wasn’t the bounty, the Browns sent a fourth-round pick in the opposite direction and got a 2017 sixth-rounder and next year’s second-rounder. Writing off the ex-Bronco’s $16m salary, if he was later released or traded, was deemed worth it for the extra pick in 2018.

After OTAs in May, Jackson described Osweiler as a “pleasant surprise” and “outstanding” and the competition between him and Cody Kessler (who went 0-8 as Browns starter in 2016) will be keenly watched in training camp. Joining them in the quarterback room is the mobile, big-armed rookie from Notre Dame, DeShone Kizer, who has drawn physical comparisons to Steve McNair. The rookie isn’t expected to start, but then neither was Dak Prescott, so never say never.

There’s no Ezekiel Elliot coming through the doors any time soon though. Leading rusher in 2016 was Isaiah Crowell, who ran for 952 yards, the highest total since Peyton Hillis topped 1,000 yards in 2010 [makes tank noises].

Crowell made the starting role his own last year, scoring seven touchdowns and going over 100 yards four times. Second-year man Duke Johnson Jr accumulated over a 1,000 all-purpose yards and the coaching staff will be looking to get him more touches in his third season. North Carolina State rookie Matt Dayes, who has catching ability and rushed for 10 scores last season, could end up contributing.

Over 130 receptions and 1,600 yards left Ohio in the offseason – Terrelle Pryor, who completed his journey from QB to legit wide receiver, signed with Washington and 31-year-old tight end Gary Barnidge was cut. Pryor’s replacement comes in the form of Kenny Britt, who himself had a personal best season with the circus that was the LA Rams. Britt, who has avoided major injury for the last three seasons will be expected to provide the big plays for whoever’s behind centre.

Barnidge burst on to the scene (and into many a fantasy team) with a Pro Bowl 2015 season that saw him grab nine scores and 1,043 yards on 79 receptions but in 2016 his output dropped to two TDs and 612 yards. David Njoku averaged 16.2 yards a catch at the University of Miami last year and the Browns traded back into the first round to grab him. The athletic 6ft 4in tight end will be expected to start from the off.

The offensive line gave up 66 sacks for the 31st scoring team in the NFL last year, a team record, so steps were taken to bolster that unit in the offseason. On the first day of free agency, the best available guard, Kevin Zeitler, was grabbed from AFC North rivals Cincinnati and centre JC Tretter signed from Green Bay. They’ll team with Joel Bitonio, who was rewarded with a five-year extension in the offseason, and stalwart left tackle Joe Thomas, who hasn’t missed a snap (or a Pro Bowl) in his 10 years in Cleveland.

Browns table

Jackson’s second year brings a second defensive coordinator. Ray Horton’s unit finished 30th in points allowed and was replaced by the abrasive Gregg Williams, currently to be seen swearing profusely on All Or Nothing. Williams has a reputation as an in-your-face coach (remember Bountygate) and has already questioned cornerback Joe Haden’s toughness. Haden went to the Pro Bowl in 2014 but has had two injury-plagued seasons since. Clearly Williams doesn’t plan to coddle the talented corner.

Overall No1 pick DE Myles Garrett joins a defense that has talented parts other than Haden and the aggressive defensive coordinator won’t hesitate to unleash him on opposing quarterbacks. Linebacker Jamie Collins, who came by way of a midseason trade with New England last year, can also get after the QB. Christian Kirksey inside is a non-stop player who led the team in tackles last season.

On the line, second-year defensive tackle/nose tackle Danny Shelton was fifth on the team in stops and end Emmanuel Ogbah started all 16 games as a rookie, grabbing six sacks, a team high. Rookie tackle Larry Ojunjobi came in the third round and he’ll be joined in the rotation by 2015 leading sacker, end Desmond Bryant, who missed the whole of 2016.

An intriguing piece will be Jabrill Peppers, Michigan’s do-it-all defender, a DIAD if you will. The 6ft 1in 205-pounder played safety and linebacker in college but also added five rushing touchdowns on offense and a punt return TD in his Wolverine career. Described as a bigger version of Arizona’s Tyrann Matthieu, Peppers will inject excitement into the Browns’ special teams and be moved around on defense to exploit his wide skill set.

Also entering the Browns’ defensive backfield is Calvin Pryor, who Cleveland swapped for Demario Davis with the Jets. Pryor is only three years removed from being the 18th overall pick in the 2014 Draft but fell out of favour with Todd Bowles in the Big Apple. The big-hitter will get a fresh start in Ohio and fits well with Williams’ desire to bully and intimidate opponents.

Rookie kicker Zane Gonzalez (is that a record for number of Zs in a name?) will battle Cody Parkey for the kicking job in camp. Britton Colquitt of The Fabulous Punting Colquitts (brother Dustin (Chiefs), dad Craig and uncle Jimmy all punted in the NFL) had his best season since 2012.

Jackson has always been able to talk the talk and his players love to play for him and after 2016, the only way is up.













2017 NFL season preview – Cincinnati Bengals

2016 Record: 6-9-1; 3rd AFC North
Head coach: Marvin Lewis (Bengals W/L: 118-110-3, Career W/L: 118-110-3)
Principal owner/President/General manager: Mike Brown

Key ins: LB Kevin Minter Cardinals; T Andre Smith Vikings
Key outs: RB Rex Burkhead; LB Karlos Dansby; DE Margus Hunt; LB Rey Maualuga; DT Domata Peko; T Andrew Whitworth; G Kevin Zeitler

Draftees: R1 (9) WR John Ross, Washington; R2 (48) RB Joe Mixon, Oklahoma; R3 (73) LB Jordan Willis, Kansas State; R4 (116) OLB Carl Lawson, Auburn; R4 (128) WR Josh Malone, Tennessee; R4 (138) DT Ryan Glasgow, Michigan; R5 (153) K Jake Elliot, Memphis; R5 (176) C JJ Dielman, Utah; R6 (193) LB Jordan Evans, Oklahoma; R6 (207) RB Brandon Wilson, Houston; R7 (251) TE Mason Schreck, Buffalo

Maybe it’s a UK thing, but whenever I think of Cincinnati I think of the Sam Wyche era. Maybe it’s all the hours watching Road To The Super Bowl videos in the late ’80s, early ’90s. Maybe it’s remembering Wyche gently berate officials with lines like, “Our, er, quarterback got clubbed in the face and neck right there. He’s, er, gonna live, but that is a penalty.”

Maybe it’s the thrill of the no-huddle offense with Boomer Esiason at the helm. Maybe it’s the Ickey Shuffle. Maybe it’s the memory of David Fulcher intercepting Jim Kelly in the end zone then laying down to kill off the 1988 AFC Championship Game. Maybe it’s Anthony Munoz’s resplendent ’tache. Maybe it’s the terrifying scowl of linebacker Reggie Williams during the national anthem. Maybe it’s the revulsion at seeing Tim Krumrie’s horrific leg-break early in Super Bowl XXIII.

Or maybe it’s just that it was under Wyche that the Bengals last won a playoff game – 26 years ago. That was the AFC Wild Card Game against (and this dates it instantly) the run-and-shoot Houston Oilers, who finished second in the AFC Central to Wyche’s side. Ickey Woods opened the scoring for Cincinnati, while Boomer Esiason threw two scores and ran for another as the Bengals savaged Jack Pardee’s team 41-10.

A week later, Cincy fell to the Raiders, who in turn were trounced 51-3 by Buffalo, who would go on to lose their first of four Super Bowls on Scott Norwood’s missed field goal.

On Christmas Eve 1991, two days after the Bengals went 3-13, President Mike Brown fired Wyche and 11 years of futility began until the hiring of Marvin Lewis as head coach, which would start a new era of success for the team in the tiger stripes.

Last season marked the first since 2010 that Lewis’s side didn’t make the postseason. A crueller man might suggest that was a blessing for a franchise on a seven-game AFC Wild Card losing streak (including five years in a row). Not I. But at least Andy Dalton couldn’t be criticised for his playoff performance.

Lewis, however, entered the summer without a contract extension for the first time since the same year, saddling him with the added pressure of operating with the tag of ‘lame duck’. 2017 was already looking like a test of coaching chops for Lewis as great locker-room citizens Andrew Whitworth, Kevin Zeitler, Rey Maualuga and Domata Peko moved on to pastures new after the 6-9-1 2016 season. Whitworth and Zeitler were two of three big free agents the Bengals had to make a decision on – the other was Dre Fitzpatrick – and it was the cornerback that re-upped with a $52.5million five-year deal.

The Bengals’ belief in their infrastructure to handle questionable decision-making on and off the field is well documented – no names Adam Jones, Vontaze Burfict – but the mini-rebuild/quest to get younger could make that aspect of Lewis’s job tougher. That said, no part of his role is an escape from his 0-7 playoff record – which hangs over him like an investigation into collusion with Russia to fix a Presidential election.

On the field in 2016, under first-year coordinator Ken Zampese, the Bengals offense never got untracked. The unit ranked 24th in points scored and 26th in passing touchdowns. None of that was helped by a disappointing running game and protection that saw Dalton dumped 41 times.

Despite those issues, the Red Rifle threw for 4,206 yards and eight interceptions in 563 attempts (only the second time he’s topped 550 passes in his career) and went to his third Pro Bowl.

The offense took a massive hit in Week 11 as AJ Green tore his hamstring and missed the rest of the year and Gio Bernard tore his ACL. Green was just 36 yards shy of a 1,000-yard season and running second to Julio Jones in the NFL lead. Those 36 yards would have meant Green became only the second player to have 1,000 yards their first six seasons – only Randy Moss can claim that honour.

17 AJ Green (2016 RANKING 16)
68 Geno Atkins (2016 RANKING 29)

Injury also prevented tight end Tyler Eifert from following up his 13-TD breakout 2015 season as he only played a part in eight games. Brandon LaFell and 2016 second-rounder Tyler Boyd stepped up in the pair’s absence but that didn’t stop Cincy bolstering the position in the Draft.

John Ross, all 5ft 11in and 188lbs of him, was flying at the Combine. He broke the all-time 40-yard dash record with a time of 4.22secs and that lightning speed is now in black and orange. If Eifert and Green can stay healthy, Dalton’s targets might be the envy of the league (Eli Manning, Tom Brady and Jameis Winston may disagree).

Bernard’s absence for the last six games was telling but the team also suffered through Jeremy Hill’s struggles at running back. The 24 year old was a pleasant surprise in his rookie 2014 season, topping 1,000 in eight starts. A year later, his average fell from 5.1 to 3.6 yards and in 2016 was 3.8. He only broke the 100-yard barrier twice last season (both against Cleveland). Hill expects to be the starter in 2017 but he’ll face competition from a controversial new face.

Oklahoma running back Joe Mixon’s career has been dogged by off-field issues including surveillance footage of him punching a female student in 2014 and a subsequent year’s suspension. Cincinnati will be banking on his claim that he’s grown up since the incident and counting on his footballing ability. A bonafide every-down back, Mixon is explosive, can wiggle the hips or lower the shoulder when required and can make an impact in the passing game or block.

A healthy Gio Bernard makes the three-headed backfield potentially difficult for opposing defensive coordinators to match up against. If the rushing attack is to thrive, the revamped offensive line will need to come together quickly. Keeping Dalton clean is vital – his rating when pressured is among the worst in the league. The youth movement may have come a year too soon though as guard Kevin Zeitler (71 starts in five years) switched Ohio teams to join the Browns and tackle Whitworth (164 starts in 11 years) left for the West Coast, leaving a void up front.

Tackle Andre Smith (yes, that one) was brought back after a season in Minnesota and the former Alabama star will move to guard. But with eight years, Smith is the most experienced starter on the line. Russell Bodine (R4, 2014) at centre and tackles Cedric Ogbuehi (R1, 2015) and Jake Fisher (R2, 2015) have fewer seasons under their belt in total than Smith and Fisher will have to beat out Eric Winston. Seventh-year guard Clint Boling, bothered by a shoulder injury in 2016, completes the starting unit with everything riding on it. Fifth-round centre JJ Dielman was the only offensive line help that came through the Draft.

26 Andrew Whitworth (2015 RANKING 41)
65 Geno Atkins (2015 RANKING 17)
82 Kevin Zeitler (2015 RANKING NR)

The trio of Carlos Dunlap, Geno Atkins and Michael Johnson is as good as any in the NFL on the defensive line. Domata Peko and everyone’s favourite Estonian (sorry, Kersti Kaljulaid), Margus Hunt left for Denver and Indianapolis respectively. That gives Andrew Billings, who missed his entire rookie campaign, a chance to compete with Pat Sims and rookie Ryan Glasgow at defensive tackle.

Former Arizona middle linebacker Kevin Minter inherits Maualuga’s spot in the middle of the defense, where the ex-USC star had called the signals for eight years (Maualuga was still unsigned at time of writing). The productive Minter (Pro Football Focus’s 25th-rated linebacker in 2016) had 83 tackles and 3.5 sacks with the Cardinals  last season, his second full year as a starter.

Burfict’s maniacal intensity – with its pluses and minuses – returns to patrol the weak side, with Marquis Flowers (eight special teams tackles in 2016) stepping up to man the strong side. Fitzpatrick’s experience and big-play potential make him their most reliable defensive back and he was paid as such in the offseason. Jones starts opposite (suspension for a January arrest permitting) and Josh Shaw works the slot.

2014 24th overall pick Darqueze Dennard hasn’t proven the answer he was expected to, with one interception in four starts over three years. As a result, William Jackson III was the fourth cornerback off the board in last year’s Draft but he missed the whole of the season after a training camp chest injury. His return may spell the end of Jones as a starter (and as a Bengal).

Strong safety Shawn Williams’s fourth year in Cincy was his best, tied for the team lead in interceptions (3) and third on the tackling chart. Teamed with Williams is the rangy George Iloka, who also picked three passes in 2016.

Randy Bullock is undoubtedly the best name in the NFL, unless you’re Mike Nugent, who Bullock replaced in Week 14. Rookie wide receiver Alex Erickson averaged 27.9 yards on kick returns, second only in the NFL to Cordarrelle Patterson, while Kevin Huber was a top 10 punter with a 46.3 yards per punt average.















2017 NFL season preview – Baltimore Ravens

2016 Record: 8-8; 2nd AFC North
Head coach: John Harbaugh (Ravens W/L: 95-64, Career W/L: 95-64)
General manager: Ozzie Newsome

Key ins: CB Brandon Carr Cowboys; S Tony Jefferson Cardinals; WR Jeremy Maclin Chiefs; RB Danny Woodhead Chargers
Key outs: WR Kamar Aiken; LB Elvis Dumervil; DE Lawrence Guy; NT Timmy Jernigan; FB Kyle Juszcyzk; LB Zach Orr; CB Jerraud Powers; WR Steve Smith Sr; T Rick Wagner; CB Shareece Wright; C/G Jeremy Zuttah

Draftees: R1 (16) CB Marlon Humphrey, Alabama; R2 (47) OLB Tyus Bowser, Houston; R3 (74) DE Chris Wormley, Michigan; R3 (78) OLB Tim Williams, Alabama; R4 (122) G Nico Siragusa, San Diego State; R5 (159) T Jermaine Eluemunor, Texas A&M; R6 (186) DB Chuck Clark, Virginia Tech

In Week 3 last year, Baltimore got their third straight win against Jacksonville only for the wheels to come off with a four-game losing tear to follow. In a scheduling quirk, they’ll face the Jaguars again at the same point of this season – only this time it’ll be at Wembley.

It’ll be the Ravens’ first visit to these shores (Jacksonville’s fifth). That means UK fans will get to see the newest Brit to make it into the NFL up close. Tackle Jermaine Eluemunor was inspired by catching a glimpse of the first NFL International Series game on TV in 2007. Who’d have thought a soaking wet Cleo Lemon and Jesse Chatman would provoke such a response?

Eluemunor’s journey took in flag football at the London Blitz, American high school, junior college then the mighty Texas A&M before hearing his name called in the fifth round of this year’s NFL Draft. The boy from Chalk Farm, London can expect plenty of local support when he returns in September.

The rookie joins a franchise that won a Super Bowl as recently as 2012, but that feels like a long time ago. Since John Harbaugh’s victory in the Brother Bowl, starting quarterback Joe Flacco is 29-29. He suffered a torn ACL and MCL in 2015 but his struggles over the last five years have been well documented. He earned his money in 2016, throwing 672 passes – more than anyone in the NFL not named Drew Brees (673). But that career-high in attempts didn’t pay dividends, in fact his touchdown percentage of 20 in 4,317 throws was the lowest of his career at 3.0%. The strong-armed passer was also wayward when pushing the ball downfield. On passes over 20 yards, he completed only 14 of 44 for one score and three picks.

The aerial blitz was largely down to the Ravens pedestrian running game and the team’s commitment to it – the Ravens ranked 28th in the league in yards on the ground. How Ravens fans must yearn for a featured back like Jamal Lewis, Ray Rice or Priest Holmes. Terrance West was, and will remain, the starter. The former Brown and Titan led the team with 774 yards and five scores. Rookie Kenneth Dixon showed flashes of ability but will miss the first four games of 2017 with a suspension for violating the league’s PED policy.

Everyone’s favourite sub-six-footer, the versatile Danny Woodhead was signed from San Diego to boost the backfield. The ex-Jet and Patriot is two seasons removed from a 1,091 all-purpose-yard, nine-TD season with the Chargers (336/3 rush, 755/6 receiving). In between, however, he tore his ACL in Week 2 of 2016. A fully recovered version of the 31-year-old scatback will provide a new receiving option for Flacco. Fullback Kyle Juszczyk went in the opposite direction to join Kyle Shanahan’s revolution in San Francisco.

Fellow new signing Jeremy Maclin will be rubbing his hands at the prospect of running under some Flacco rainbows after a two-year diet of Alex Smith passes in Kansas City. Maclin, cut by the Chiefs in June, drags the Ravens receiver group up a notch after Steve Smith’s retirement left the cupboard a little bare.

Mike Wallace had his best yardage total since his Pro Bowl season of 2011 in Pittsburgh (1,017 yards) and was the offense’s most explosive player, while 2015 first-rounder Breshad Perriman chipped in with 499 yards and three TDs after missing his entire rookie season with a knee injury. The tight end spot will be filled by Ben Watson (who missed and Crockett Gillmore after Dennis Pitta suffered a third devastating hip injury in OTAs.

43 Marshal Yanda (2016 RANKING 37)

Baltimore’s offensive line contains a bonafide star in Marshal Yanda. Rated as Pro Football Focus’s best lineman in the NFL in 2016, the guard has been to the last six Pro Bowls. Suffering from a shoulder injury that kept him out for three games, he asked Harbaugh if he could switch from the right to left to mediate the effect of the sore joint and didn’t miss a beat. Moving back to his usual spot for 2017, the left features two second-year players of promise. Ronnie Stanley (sixth overall pick) started 12 games at left tackle as a rookie and showed unexpected ability in the running game, while Alex Lewis (130th selection) is a fixture at guard after eight starts in his first season. John Urschel steps into the departed Jeremy Zuttah’s shoes at centre. Eluemunor will look to break into this line-up.

Defensively, the Ravens legacy of hard-nosed, rugged play continues. In 2016, the unit, coordinated by Dean Pees for the fifth season, finished top 10 in most categories. The Ravens were the leading interceptors in NFL with 18 passes pilfered from opposing teams. The marshall of the defensive backfield in 2016 was the awesome Eric Weddle.

Fresh from an acrimonious exit from San Diego, Weddle stole four passes, his highest total since 2011 and provided leadership that had been missing in the three previous years after Ed Reed’s retirement. In 2017, Weddle could be one half of the best safety duo on the league after the free agent signing of Tony Jefferson from James Bettcher’s top 10 defense in Arizona. With both players able to play up on the line of scrimmage, blitz or cover, Pees’ will enjoy moving his pieces around to confound opposing offences.

The ability in the secondary doesn’t begin and end at safety, through the draft came Alabama’s Marlon Humphrey (son of former Broncos RB Bobby) with the 16th pick. Mike Mayock rated Humphrey, who ran a 4.41-second 40 at the Combine, as the second-best corner in this year’s class. Humphrey will look to rotate with the starters – former Cowboy Brandon Carr, who’s started all 144 games since Kansas plucked him with the 140th choice of the 2008 Draft and Jimmy Smith, healthy again after being bothered by knee and ankle injuries last season.

7 Marshal Yanda (2015 RANKING 16)
10 Eric Weddle (2015 RANKING NR)
97 Justin Tucker (2015 RANKING NR)

Baltimore’s linebacking corps took a big hit when leading tackler, third-year player Zach Orr retired with a congenital spinal condition. He’s reportedly looking into a return, but due to a paperwork snafu, he’s technically an unrestricted free agent. Kamalei Correa will move inside to fill Orr’s shoes. He’ll pair with CJ Mosley, who went to his second Pro Bowl in three years after four interceptions. At outside linebacker, The Ageless Terrell Suggs™ provides the pass rush (8.0 sacks in 2016), but turns 35 in October. GM Ozzie Newsome drafted Tyus Bowser from Houston and Tim Williams from Alabama to develop behind Suggs.

Downing the quarterback was an issue in 2016 as the Ravens ranked mid-20s in the NFL in sacks. Chris Wormley was drafted in the third round from Jim Harbaugh’s Michigan and much is hoped for from him. In the middle of the line, one of the league’s best run-stuffers, nose tackle Brandon Williams, got paid in the offseason with five-year $54million deal.

In kicker Justin Tucker the Baltimore can boast one of the best at the position in the NFL. He led all field goal kickers with 38 made (from 39 attempts) in 2016 and was flawless on extra points.




2017 NFL season preview – NY Jets

2016 Record: 5-11; 4th AFC East
Head coach: Todd Bowles (Jets W/L: 15-17, Career W/L: 17-18)
General manager: Mike Maccagnan

Key ins: T Kelvin Beachum Jaguars; K Chandler Catanzaro Cardinals; CB Morris Claiborne Cowboys; LB Demario Davis Browns; QB Josh McCown Browns
Key outs: TE Brandon Bostick; T Ryan Clady; TE Kellen Davis; WR Eric Decker; QB Ryan Fitzpatrick; K Nick Folk; S Marcus Gilchrist; LB David Harris; LB Erin Henderson; C Nick Mangold; WR Brandon Marshall; CB Darrelle Revis; QB Geno Smith

Draftees: R1 (6) S Jamal Adams, LSU; R2 (39) S Marcus Maye, Florida; R3 (79) WR ArDarius Stewart, Alabama; R4 (141) WR Chad Hansen, California; R5 (150) TE Jordan Leggett, Clemson; R5 (181) DL Dylan Donahue, West Georgia; R6 (188) RB Elijah McGuire, Louisiana-Lafayette; R6 (197) DB Jeremy Clark, Michigan; R6 (204) DB Derrick Jones, Ole Miss

You know the cliché about how the definition of insanity is repeating the same things over and over again and expecting a different outcome? Well… the Jets. Remember 2013? Come on, stretch your minds back. Behold some of the highlights of the opening-day depth chart Rex Ryan was handed by GM John Idzik in a year where he was fighting for his job:

QBs Mark Sanchez, Geno Smith
RBs Bilal Powell, Chris Ivory
WRs Stephen Hill, Jeremy Kerley, Ryan Spadola, Clyde Gates
TE Jeff Cumberland

OLBs Garrett McIntyre, Calvin Pace, Quinton Coples, Antwan Barnes
DBs Dee Milliner, Dawan Landry, Antonio Allen, Antonio Cromartie

Compare and contrast with the scenario created for Todd Bowles by GM Mike Maccagnan in a year when fighting for his job:

QBs Josh McCown, Bryce Petty, Christian Hackenberg
RBs Matt Forte, Bilal Powell
WRs Charone Peake, Robby Anderson, Quincy Enunwa
OL Ben Ijalana, James Carpenter, Wesley Johnson, Brian Winters, Kelvin Beachum
TE Jordan Leggett

OLBs Sheldon Richardson, Jordan Jenkins, Lorenzo Mauldin, Freddie Bishop
DBs Morris Claiborne, Buster Krine, Sharmako Thomas, Jamal Adams

Pity poor Bowlesie, his team will likely end up with one of the top QB prospects in the 2018 Draft – Sam Darnold of USC, UCLA’s Josh Rosen or Josh Allen of Wyoming – but he probably won’t be around to see them grow up.

In good news, the Jets are currently $24 million under the salary cap, which means they’re also well positioned to make a run at LeBron James next July, oh wait…

The bad news is they just saw themselves stripped of a ton of leadership in the offseason. Centre Nick Mangold and his decade of experience walked out the door, with Darrelle Revis, Brandon Marshall, Eric Decker, and nine-year middle linebacker David Harris, among others.

And yet again, the moves at the quarterback position would have been the laughing stock of the league if it wasn’t for Chicago. Talking of which, the Jets’ passer situation over the last 30 years has been as dire as the Bears’.

I dare you to look at the table below and not be terrified that The Sanchize has the third most starts at the game’s most important position since Broadway Joe hobbled off for an ill-fated last hurrah in Los Angeles. And everyone’s favourite locker-room leader Geno Smith is SEVENTH!

Jets table

At least that particular headache is out of the building, if not the city (Smith is trying to resurrect his career as a back-up to Eli Manning at the Giants). The snake-bitten passer got the start in Week 7, after Ryan Fitzpatrick had led the Jets to a 1-5 record, only to suffer a season-ending knee injury. Fitzpatrick, seemingly eager to prove that his 31-touchdown 2015 was a massive fluke, hit rock-bottom with a six-interception performance in Week 3 versus the Chiefs but flip-flopped in and out of the line-up the rest of the season as injuries and benchings mounted.

Bowles announced Bryce Petty as his starter for the remainder of the season after a blowout loss to the Colts in Week 13 only for a shoulder injury took care of his year against New England. The second-year man completed 56.4% of his passes for three TDs and seven interceptions in six games (four starts).

Inexplicably, for the season finale, Bowles returned to Fitzpatrick instead of throwing Penn State rookie Christian Hackenburg into the fray to see how he fared against NFL competition. With the signing of Josh McCown (silent l?) this offseason, it confirmed what that decision suggested – Hackenburg wasn’t ready in Bowles’ eyes. The oft-injured McCown is 38, on his eighth team in his 15th season, and has a 18-42 record in 60 starts. Sound anything like the journeyman QB in his 10th season with a 33-55-1 record in 89 starts signed in… do you know who it is yet?… 2015?

Perhaps this a new plan – to attempt to capture second-tier quarterbacks’ peak for a year before watching them crash and burn a year later. McCown’s targets aren’t what Fitzpatrick inherited when he signed two seasons ago. Quincy Enunwa led the team with 857 yards and four scores last year and, in an ideal world, Robby Anderson would continue to supply big plays. Much depends on the standard of quarterback play. Tight end will be manned by Austin Sefarian-Jenkins, grabbed off waivers after Tampa Bay cut him following a DUI arrest. ASJ is, however, suspended for the first two games. Rookie Jordan Leggett may see action early.

Whoever’s behind centre will not have the protection afforded some of his recent predecessors. Mangold’s departure is huge, a year after D’Brickashaw Ferguson’s retirement. Ferguson’s replacement at left tackle, Ryan Clady was let go due to an injury-plagued 2016 (and heavy cap number in 2017). Another casualty was right tackle Breno Giacomini, who was an ever-present from 2014 to 2015 before missing all but five games last year. Kelvin Beachum (from Jacksonville) and Ben Ijalana will fill the tackle roles, with Brian Winters and James Carpenter at guards and Wesley Johnson facing the unenviable task of replacing Mangold.

79 Leonard Williams (2015 RANKING NR)

On paper, Leonard Williams, Muhammad Wilkerson and Sheldon Richardson looked like the strength of the defensive unit in 2016 but the reality was very different. Nose tackle Steve McLendon filled the shoes of the departed Damon Harrison admirably but of the big three, only Williams (team-leader with seven sacks, Pro Bowl berth) showed up. Richardson spent his season feuding with Marshall, while Wilkerson looked a shadow of his pre-broken leg self.

The secondary was also something of a horror show as Revis aged before Jets fans’ eyes and Buster Skrine turned into a penalty machine. Young safety Calvin Pryor was traded to Cleveland for linebacker Demario Davis and Marcus Gilchrist was released. That puts rookies Jamal Adams and Marcus Maye squarely in the firing line.

Davis (99 tackles, two sacks with Browns) will team up in the centre of the defense with Darron Lee, a potential bright spot from the Jets’ 2016 season. Picked 20th overall out of Ohio State showed signs of promise having switched from outside to inside and bagged 70 tackles and a sack in nine starts, making New York comfortable releasing leading tackler Harris.

Kicker Nick Folk ended his seven-year Jets career having hit 175 or 213 field goals and 204 of 206 extra points in green. His replacement Chandler Catanzaro was a key part of Bruce Arians’ success with the Cardinals in 2014 and 2015 but struggled with accuracy last year. That strife included a crushing overtime miss from 24 yards against Seattle in Week 7 after earlier having a 39-yarder blocked. The Clemson man needs to recover the confidence vital to the role of kicker.

Final word on what was a toxic season for the Big Apple side goes to Marshall (also now across town with the Giants), who likened 2016 to “having a diaper on and never changing it. And just sitting in that diaper the whole year”.

Bowles needs to restore harmony in the locker room and get his side pointing in the right direction, but with the tools at his disposal, it’s going to be a genuine test of his head-coaching abilities.






2017 NFL season preview – New England Patriots

2016 Record: 14-2; 1st AFC East; Won Super Bowl LI 34-28 OT v Atlanta
Head coach: Bill Belichick (Patriots W/L: 226-80, Career W/L: 263-125)
General manager: None

Key ins: TE Dwayne Allen Colts; RB Rex Burkhead Bengals; WR Brandin Cooks Saints; DE Kony Ealy Panthers; RB Mike Gillislee Bills; CB Stephon Gilmore Bills; TE James O’Shaughnessy Chiefs
Key outs: TE Martellus Bennett; RB LeGarrette Blount; DE Chris Long; CB Logan Ryan; DE/LB Jabaal Sheard; T Sebastian Vollmer

Draftees: R3 (83) DE Derek Rivers, Youngstown State; R3 (85) T Antonio Garcia, Troy; R4 (131) DE Deatrich Wise Jr, Arkansas; R6 (211) T Conor McDermott, UCLA

Ah the age-old question – what do you buy the man who has everything? The 2017 NFL season version is simple: a big, physical cover corner from a division rival, a power back from said division rival, a deep threat, a utility back/special teamer, a promising defensive end with 14 sacks in 15 starts and an AFC East battle-hardened middle linebacker.

That was Bill Belichick’s haul in the offseason. The man who has been to more and won more Super Bowls than any other coach, is the winningest active coach in the NFL and orchestrated the most incredible Super Bowl comeback the game has ever seen just five months ago. He has a passionate, trusting owner, a coaching staff that turns down approaches for head coaching roles to stay put and arguably the greatest quarterback of all time (I’m in the Joe Montana first, Tom Brady second camp, FYI).

That quarterback, however transcendent he may have been in carving up the Falcons in Houston, turns 40 in August, so Belichick’s moves since February have all been about maximising the Tommy Time left.

QB 40 GraphicSource:

There’s continuity in play calling duties – they will remain in the hands of coordinator Josh McDaniels for the sixth straight season after he withdrew himself from the running for the 49ers’ top job. Then there’s TB12. It’s hard to find something new and insightful about Tommy Terrific ( assures me that’s an actual nickname). At this point in the season cycle, opponents have two small crumbs of comfort. One is his age, the other is he won’t have a Roger Goodell-sized chip on his shoulder to take out on the rest of the league.

After missing the first four games to the belated Deflategate suspension (in which reserves Jimmy Garappolo and Jacoby Brissett went interception-free compiling a 3-1 record), Brady punished Cleveland with a 28-of-40, 406-yard and three touchdown release of frustration. Then he kept going, tossing 28 scores to just a pair of interceptions (setting a record for fewest team picks), leading a ridiculous Super Bowl comeback and becoming the winningest starting QB in NFL history (208 regular and postseason).

His rating at year end was second only to his career best in the Patriots historic undefeated 2007 season (112.2 to 117.2), when Wes Welker and Randy Moss were reeling in passes in the blue, red and white.

And while Mosses (Mossi?) come along once a generation, the weapons at TB12’s disposal in 2017 may be of higher quality across the board than that unit, they’re certainly more diverse. Three-TD Super Bowl hero James White returns in the backfield, albeit minus his running mate and defender-hurdler supreme LeGarrette Blount (who I will always love for the below (whatever happened to Josh Freeman?)) and his 18 TDs.

Joining the running back stable are the physical Mike Gillislee, stolen away from Buffalo, who scored eight times on the ground in 2016 and utility back Rex Burkhead from the Bengals. When Brady isn’t spreading it around to his backs (including Dion Lewis, who should be fit again after injuring a hamstring in the Super Bowl), his receiving corps has also been enhanced.

Paced by the lion-hearted Julian Edelman, who had 98 catches in 2016, plus five for 87 in Houston, there’s an enviable set of targets this season. Rob Gronkowski, who looked back at full pace in minicamp after his third back surgery, needs to stay healthy or could find himself victim to Belichick’s ruthlessness before he sees the last two years of his newly restructured contract.

1 Tom Brady (2016 RANKING 2)
23 Rob Gronkowski (2016 RANKING 9)
71 Julian Edelman (2016 RANKING 87)
80 LeGarrette Blount (2016 RANKING NR)
94 Dont’a Hightower (2016 RANKING NR)
99 Malcolm Butler (2016 RANKING NR)

Big plays were supplied by Chris Hogan last season, as another import from Buffalo paid dividends. Partnered with new speedy Patriot Brandin Cooks, he could be even more dangerous on the perimeter, opening up the slot for Edelman and the seam for Gronk. Departed red zone target Marcellus Bennett (7 TDs) will be replaced by Dwayne Allen, shipped in from Indianapolis.

There is youth on the interior of the New England line, with guard Joe Thuney, who started 16 games as a rookie, centre David Andrews and Shaq Mason. Right tackle Marcus Cannon had his best season to date in 2016 and Nate “Over The” Solder “Boulder Holder” continues to tend Brady’s blind side.

New England usually sit out free agency so the addition of Stephon Gilmore was a surprising move. He’ll team with Malcolm Butler, who could be forgiven for having the hump about his lack of long-term deal, to offset the loss of the promising Logan Ryan (now a Titan). Filling out the defensive backfield will be Devin McCourty and Patrick Chung, the no2 and no3 tacklers on the team last year.

Talking of surprises, the Week 9 trade of Jamie Collins to Cleveland was a jaw-dropper but it meant the team was freed up to extend the savvy Dont’a Hightower to a four-year deal. He’ll be joined by former Jets ironman middle linebacker David Harris – of whom Belichick has long been an admirer. The 11-year veteran’s signing means Hightower will return to outside linebacker where wrought havoc in the second half of the season (Matt Ryan may remember him too).

Alan Branch and Malcolm Brown command the middle of the defensive line and on the end, Trey Flowers bloomed (see what I’ve done there) in the second half of 2016 with seven sacks. Kony Ealy will be looking for a productive season with the world champions in what is the final year of his rookie contract.

1 Tom Brady (2015 RANKING 14)
25 Malcolm Butler (2015 RANKING NR)
29 Devin McCourty (2015 RANKING 94)
59 Nate Solder (2015 RANKING NR)
61 Marcus Cannon (2015 RANKING NR)

As with everything else Brand Belichick, the special teams unit is filled with overachieving non-superstars. Matthew Slater and Nate Ebner are among the best coverage guys in the game. Edelman and Amendola handle return duties and will be joined by Lewis at times in 2017.

Did Super Bowl LI represent the peak of Patriot powers (Peter Piper ponders)? Was that comeback one miracle too far or can New England become the first team since, er New England in 2003/2004 to repeat as Super Bowl champs? At this point, and injury permitting, you have to say it’s highly likely.



2017 NFL season preview – Miami Dolphins

2016 Record: 10-6; 2nd AFC East; Lost AFC Wild Card Game 30-12 @ Pittsburgh
Head coach: Adam Gase (Dolphins W/L: 10-7, Career W/L: 10-7)
General manager: Chris Grier

Key ins: S Nate Allen Raiders; TE Anthony Fasano Titans; DE William Hayes Rams; S TJ McDonald Rams; TE Julius Thomas Jaguars; LB Lawrence Timmons Steelers
Key outs: S Isa Abdul-Quddus; LB Donald Butler; TE Jordan Cameron; LB Jelani Jenkins; LB Spencer Paysinger; S Bacarri Rambo; TE Dion Sims; DE Mario Williams

Draftees: R1 (22) DE Charles Harris, Missouri; R2 (54) LB Raekwon McMillan, Ohio State; R3 (97) CB Cordrea Tankersley, Clemson; R5 (164) G Isaac Asiata, Utah; R5 (178) DT Davon Dochaux, LSU; R5 (184) S Nate Gerry, Nebraska; R6 (194) DT Vincent Taylor, Oklahoma State; R7 (237) WR Isaiah Ford, Virginia Tech

Before last season, the last time the Dolphins had visited the playoffs, Tony Sparano was head coach, Chad Pennington was throwing to Tedd Ginn Jr and Rocket Ronnie Brown running the Wildcat was officially a thing. Prior to that, Zach Thomas was in the middle of the defense as Dave Wannstedt’s team went 11-5 in 2001. Enter rookie head coach Adam Gase, the offseason’s hot candidate for his work with [spits] Jay Cutler. With a record of futility the like of the Florida side’s, moving the needle wasn’t going to be an insurmountable task.

Gase, however, cranked the knob and almost sent the comedy gauge into the flashing red bit with the loud honky noise. Almost. A 1-4 start, including two-point and seven-point losses at Seattle and New England respectively, could have derailed the Gase Express before it got rolling. But a steady hand on the tiller, a six-win streak and an overall 9-2 finish put his side into the playoffs for the first time since 2008.

Job 1 for the 38-year-old first-year boss was to sprinkle his QB pixie dust over Ryan Tannehill. The QB whisperer head coach had reached the playoffs with Tim Tebow and won a Super Bowl with Peyton Manning in Denver before shaving seven interceptions off [spits] Cutler’s 2014 total in 2015.

Tannehill responded with a career-best 93.5 rating as he went 8-5 as a starter and completed 67% of his passes with a 19 to 12 TD to interception ratio. And if the former Texas A&M player hadn’t suffered a season-ending knee injury with three games to go, who knows how differently the Dolphins’ run-in could have been. Stout back-up Matt Moore was at the helm for the Wild Card loss to Pittsburgh but had performed well in relief, with eight TDs to three picks in three games.

The offense overall clicked and topped 30 points six times (by comparison New England achieved that feat eight times). On the ground, they were powered by the UK’s own Jay Ajayi, who went over 1,200 yards and was Player Of The Week three times. The J-Train began his sophomore season behind Arian Foster but emerged when given his opportunity (the second time he got double-digit carries he racked up 204 yards v Pittsburgh).

A week later, Ajayi hit a double century again against Buffalo and then in Week 16 got 206 more against the hapless Bills. It was a bit of a season of feast and famine for the youngster, however, as in nine other games he rushed for 61 yards or under. Running like the defense stole his lunch, his angry style meshed well with the scheme and he’ll be expected to carry the load in 2017.

The beating heart of the offense is the soft-handed, fluid-footed slot receiver Jarvis Landry. He became the fastest player in league history to reach 200 receptions (33 games), only to see his former LSU running mate Odell Beckham Jr break that mark a week later (30 games). Landry did follow up his 2015 record of most receptions in a player’s first two seasons by catching his 288th pass in 2017 to set the three-season record (a mark tied by OBJ hours later).

42 Jarvis Landry (2016 RANKING 98)
55 Ndamukong Suh (2016 RANKING 40)
62 Cameron Wake (2016 RANKING NR)
69 Jay Ajayi (2016 RANKING NR)

He was ably supported by second-year receiver DeVante Parker, who added 744 yards and four scores, and former New Orleans speedster Kenny Stills who found paydirt nine times in 42 catches. Tight end Jordan Cameron’s two seasons in Miami were nothing to write home about, while Dion Sims parlayed a career best in receptions and TDs into a move to Chicago so in comes Julius Thomas. He was a disappointment at Florida neighbours Jacksonville but had Pro Bowl seasons with Gase running the offense in Denver.

Nine offensive starters return in 2017 and one of the most welcome will be centre Mike Pouncey. The man in the middle missed all but five games last year and has started 16 games only twice in his six-year career. When healthy, he’s one of the best as three Pro Bowls will testify. After a strong gasmask-bong-less rookie season at left guard, Laremy Tunsil slides to left tackle to replace the departed Branden Albert. The other side of Pouncey, Jermon Bushrod enters his 11th NFL season at guard, while 2014 first-rounder Ja’Wuan James starts at tackle.

While the offense responded to Gase’s tutelage, this season it’s the defense that is in dire need of the pixie dust. With 2016 defensive coordinator Vance Joseph now head coach in Denver, the superbly-bearded Matt Burke was promoted from linebackers coach to run the unit. That underperforming crew finished 30th against the run and 29th in total defense last season.

31 Jay Ajayi (2015 RANKING NR)
45 Cameron Wake (2015 RANKING NR)
52 Ndamukong Suh (2015 RANKING 27)

Ndamukong Suh, who arrived with a fanfare in 2015, returned to the Pro Bowl at the end of 2016 and remains the best player on defense. Linemate Cameron Wake went to his first ever playoff game in his eighth year (a big bone of contention when I interviewed him in 2015!) on the back of 11.5 sacks and a fifth Pro Bowl selection and like Suh is a playmaker.

The rest of the unit features scant big-play material, however. Reshad Jones, another player on Miami’s injury list last season (shoulder), had a career year in 2015 and his return bolsters the two up front and free agent linebacker Lawrence Timmons will be expected to improve the run-stopping capability of the Miami D. His presence will allow last year’s team-leading tackler Kiko Alonso to shift to the weak side.

Veteran Byron Maxwell and second-year man Xavien Howard are expected to man the corners but neither is a Sherman-esque shutdown corner. Tony Lippett bagged four interceptions last time out and will be in the mix. As will big-hitting TJ McDonald, joining from the Rams – only slight snag is he’s suspended for the first eight games of the season.

On special teams, Landry and kick returner Jakeem Grant share punt return duties with Kenyan Drake also running back kicks. Both Grant and Drake found the end zone in 2016, while punter Matt Darr ranked fifth in the NFL in yards and net yards.

In summary, Year 2 of Gase’s regime offers great promise but if the defense can’t better stop the run (and the pass), the offense is going to need to score in bunches to keep pace with likely division champs New England.






2017 NFL season preview – Buffalo Bills

2016 Record: 7-9; 3rd AFC East
Head coach: Sean McDermott (Bills W/L: 0-0, Career W/L: 0-0)
General manager: Brandon Beane

Key ins: FB Patrick DiMarco Falcons; G Vlad Ducasse Ravens; K Steven Hauschka Seahawks; WR Andre Holmes Raiders; S Micah Hyde Packers; S Jordan Poyer Browns; FB Mike Tolbert Panthers; QB TJ Yates Dolphins
Key outs: S Sergio Brown; LB Zach Brown; RB Reggie Bush; K Dan Carpenter; FB Jerome Felton; CB Stephon Gilmore; RB Mike Gilislee; WR Marquise Goodwin; S Corey Graham; QB EJ Manuel; CB Corey White; WR Robert Woods

Draftees: R1 (27) CB Tre’Davious White, LSU; R2 (37) WR Zay Jones, ECU; R2 (63) T Dion Dawkins, Temple; R5 (163) OLB Matt Milano, Boston College; R5 (171) QB Nathan Peterman, Pittsburgh; R6 (195) OLB Tanner Vallejo, Boise State

That jangling sound you could hear as the Pegulas axed GM Doug Whaley the day after the 2017 Draft was rookie head coach Sean McDermott being handed the keys to the  Buffalo Bills. Unless it was just a really jangly axe, in which case I stand corrected. The 43-year-old McDermott represents – as is often the case in the great NFL cycle – the opposite of outgoing braggadocious head coach Rex Ryan.

Don’t pity Rex though, he and brother Rob were recently caught on film enjoying themselves down in Nashville after they bumped into Kevin Kilbride’s sons.

Terry and Kim Pegula, the Bills owners since 2014, will be hoping their new head coach’s culture of accountability and discipline, chiselled under the likes of Andy Reid and Ron Rivera, proves to be the antidote to the error-prone, underperforming product Ryan put on the field during his 31 games.

McDermott will have a job on his hands to avoid a repeat of last year’s “7-9 bullshit”. On the surface, the Bills have talent (six of their nine 2016 losses were by seven points or less). In five-time Pro Bowl running back LeSean McCoy, mobile passer Tyrod Taylor and oft-injured receiver Sammy Watkins the offense has three genuine game-changers. On the other side of the ball, Marcel Dareus is overdue a return to form alongside the ageless Kyle Williams and newly-minted Lorenzo Alexander will be expected to follow up his 12.5-sack 2016 season.

The offseason saw the team drained of depth in both units, however. No individual loss was perhaps bigger than cover man Stephon Gilmore departing for AFC East rivals New England. With five interceptions and 12 passes defended in his fifth season he translated his first Pro Bowl appearance into a lucrative contract with the Super Bowl champs.

McDermott’s 4-3 scheme doesn’t place the emphasis on man coverage that Ryan’s complex look did but losing a player like Gilmore still makes a dent. The unit will be run by another humble, calming presence in defensive co-ordinator Leslie Frazier, who will have first-round corner Tre’Davious White at his disposal. White lacks flash but follows in the NFL footsteps of solid all-round former LSU DBs Patrick Peterson, Eric Reid and Jalen Collins.

Alongside him in the defensive backfield, White will find an experienced figure in the shape of free agent signing Micah Hyde, entering his fifth NFL season. The former Packer has played corner and at both safety positions as a movable piece in Dom Capers’ Green Bay defense. 2015 second-round pick Ronald Darby will man the other corner spot and hope to rebound to his rookie form.

27 LeSean McCoy  (2016 RANKING 69)
91 Lorenzo Alexander (2016 RANKING NR)

Life through the air could be made more comfortable for the defensive backs if the front seven can get more of a pass rush than they did under vaunted defensive mind Ryan. Under head coach Doug Marrone in 2014, the Bills led the NFL with 54 sacks. A year later, Ryan’s unit mustered 21 and last year registered 39 takedowns.

Stopping the run is also a priority as Miami’s Jay Ajayi topped 200 yards against them – both times he played Buffalo – and Le’Veon Bell repeated the trick for the Steelers. Hopefully Reggie Ragland will provide some steel at middle linebacker after losing his entire rookie season with a knee problem. Much will depend on what happens in front of him. Dareus signed a six-year $100 million contract extension off the back of a 2014 season in which he racked up 10 sacks and went to his second Pro Bowl. But he didn’t flourish under Ryan and last year a disgruntled Dareus missed half a season through suspension and injury.

On offense, Rick Dennison (who UK fans of a certain age will remember as a Broncos linebacker) replaces Greg Roman/Anthony Lynn as coordinator after two years in Denver as OC. He’ll retain the emphasis on the run – the Bills led the NFL in rushing yards, TDs and average in 2016.

McCoy and his health will be key to that. His 1,267 yards and 13 scores included his longest ever run (a 75-yard TD v Jacksonville in Week 12) and a fourth straight visit to Hawaii-Arizona-Hawaii-Florida as he looked like himself after an injury-slowed 2015. Shady’s running mate Mike Gillislee, who bagged eight TDs and averaged 5.7 yards last year, followed Gilmore to the world champion New England Patriots.

Fifth-rounder Jonathan Williams will be first change but veteran bowling ball Mike Tolbert and versatile fullback Patrick DiMarco will have to contribute in the running game, certainly in short-yardage.

Taylor could be forgiven if he was worried about more than a young and inconsistent receiving corps. The outgoing front office benched him in Week 17 with the intention to keep him healthy so they could move him on in the offseason. The new regime has yet to promise anything more than a shot at starting.

That said, the rookie head coach spoke warmly of the quarterback after recent OTAs: “I’ve been impressed by Tyrod’s leadership. There are qualities important to the quarterback position and he’s doing a nice job at those.”

Dennison, who worked with Taylor in Baltimore in 2014 also praised the QB’s work and study habits as well as his command of the huddle. Just as well because Taylor represents the best shot the Bills have at a successful season in passer terms. Behind him on the depth chart is Cardale Jones with all of 11 NFL passes (and a pick) to his name. Then there’s rookie Nathan Peterman and veteran of Dennison’s system TJ Yates (4-3 as a starter in six seasons).

98 Richie Incognito (2015 RANKING 31)

Vital parts of the offense are working their way back to full fitness. Centre Eric Wood broke his leg in Week 9 against Seattle and receiver Sammy Watkins was limited in his work in OTAs as he battles back from foot surgery. Wood, Richie Incognito and John Miller form a solid interior line with Vlad Ducasse, signed from Baltimore, adding depth. Cordy Glenn will man the left tackle spot with rookie second-rounder Dion Dawkins expected to start opposite him.

At receiver, Zay “What You See” Jones, son of former Cowboys and Rams LB Robert, will be expected to contribute in his first season. The 6ft 2in 200-pounder racked up 1,746 yards on a ridiculous 158 receptions at East Carolina last year. Former Raider Andre Holmes and ex-Panther Corey Brown will also be competing for snaps at receiver, while Charles Clay returns at TE looking to put a disappointing two seasons as a Bill behind him.

The only coach retained from the Ryan regime (Ryan inherited him too) is everyone’s favourite World Bowl ’91 MVP Danny Crossman. He’ll have a new starting kicker (and long snapper) to work with in Steven Hauschka, who replaces Dan Carpenter (if ever a moment summed up a season, it was this).








2016 Draft: Mocks are a mockery

Cross my palm with silver and I’ll tell you your future… Looking at the first round a few hours after it happened, forget mock drafts, we might as well have gone to a fortune teller.

Even in this information-at-our-fingertips age, when it comes to the Draft, most pundits are in the same boat as us and Jon Snow – we know nothing. We aren’t, happily, laying dead in the snow from multiple stab wounds from our treacherous Watch brothers.

Start at No3 – Joey Bosa to San Diego makes no sense to some. “He’s wrong for their 3-4 system and will either be slow as a linebacker or undersized for a defensive end.” So the experts never predicted that the Ohio State pass rusher would end up in San Diego. Then again, his game is all about upfield pressure, which very much does fit the Chargers’ defensive approach. And he was one of the top three players in this year’s class. So who’s right? Well, we’ll find out in a season or two.

Then you look at someone who is still waiting to hear his name called – junior Myles Jack, whose September knee injury and potential microfracture surgery down the line has caused his stock to fall through the floor. Pure athleticism – he won the 2013 Pac-12 Offensive & Defensive Freshman of the year as a running back and linebacker – he was top five on most big boards. The UCLA product will surely come off the board early tonight but that’s a precipitous fall.

Talking of which, what do a bong and a bung have in common? The answer is Laremy Tunsil – the most bizarre story of the Draft (so far). Moments before the event began, a video of Tunsil wearing a gasmask attached to a bong appeared on his Twitter feed. It was quickly deleted followed by the account, which was said to have been hacked.

It was clearly enough to put off two or three tackle-hungry teams – Giants, Titans and Ravens. Miami jumped at the chance to grab the best pass blocker in the Draft at 13. But then later on his Instagram, text conversations asking Ole Miss staff for help paying his rent appeared. That was also promptly fixed and followed by an exchange with reporters in which he seemed to admit the improper payments.

Everyone had Ezekiel Elliott and Dallas at No4 as a likely match of player and need. Few could have predicted his outfit on the night though. A cut-off shirt, no less, like the old-school cropped jersey he used to wear at Ohio State before they were outlawed by the NCAA. Oh to be 20 and able to pull that off. I reckon if I shrink a shirt, it might sit atop my stomach, but I think it’s best for all concerned that I keep a coat over it.

Elsewhere in the first round, you had two safeties – Keanu Neal and Karl Joseph – going to Atlanta and Oakland (in the market for a Charles Woodson replacement) when they had, in some previews, third and fourth-round grades. San Francisco traded two extra picks to Kansas to grab guard Joshua Garnett and Seattle opted for the fifth-ranked tackle with the last pick of the round. They’d traded their pick to the Broncos so that they could move up to select QB of the future Paxton Lynch with the 26th choice. Having Mark Sanchez at the top of your depth chart will force moves like that.

But let’s allow Jim Mora to have the last word. When it comes to the Draft and what’s going on inside teams’ war rooms…

Run, bike, run. Not you, Forrest, sit down


Now, none of you reading this are likely to know that I like to dabble in the odd multi-discipline event. But I do. So I like to do a bit of triathlon once in a while, I can handle it. Can’t I? Yesterday, I took part in the London Duathlon 2015. I did it last year with my good friend Dominic Wint and based on the fact that it was such a well-run event and a good atmosphere, we signed up for this year’s the very next day despite not being able to descend stairs safely because of the pain in our legs (NB: I very much speak for myself here, Winty’s legs may well have been fine, mine were like shit!).

Part of that may be down to the fact that (because of some TFL wisdom/lack of car) we tagged on an extra five bike miles in each direction getting to and from the event. FUN! This year, my good friend Dave Burns (tenuous link to blog, Dave’s from San Francisco and a big Niners fan) decided he’d like a piece of the action so he signed up. We were all set.

Last Friday, Winty pulled out having gone down with flu (why didn’t I think of that?) so it was just me and Dave, but also, thankfully, my car. It was a 9am kickoff so, powered by his takeaway coffee cup, he rocked up at my house at 7am. I say “my house”. I got a text saying “Here” so opened the door. Nothing. Stepped out into the street to see him knocking on the door 10 houses down. No doubt they’d have loved a Sunday early morning call, but I called him off anyway.

Bikes loaded, we powered in the C3 to Richmond Park, so early we could park in the street next to the gate. As we walked through the dewy park (about as amazing a venue for a day’s exercise you could get. Alright, apart from say the Grand Canyon. Or Ayers Rock. Or the Amazonian rain forest) into the Race Village (sounds like an initiative Nigel Farage might have spawned) it didn’t look like the stated world’s biggest duathlon. It would later.

With an empty stomach, I popped to the coffee stand and had a bit of carrot cake and a cappuccino. Interestingly, the coffee stand had some TV evangelist station on a big screen hanging off to the side – Dave and I couldn’t decide if it was just that there was nothing on Sky Sports at the time or whether the baristas were particularly religious. We concluded that you don’t put that stuff on by accident and went on our merry way. Albeit with the urge to send money to the Church of the Dodgy Dude That Wants A New Car all of a sudden.

I eyed the Fine Burger Co’s breakfast offerings but was guided away from them by my American friend. Something for which, with hindsight, even 24 hours removed, I am grateful for! It wouldn’t be the last time I was grateful for him being there. Fuelled up, we stuck our numerous stickers on, strapped on the wristband and set off for Transition.

In a triathlon, it feels like there are a million things to line up and think about when you’re setting up. In a duathlon, it’s brilliant – helmet, bike shoes, glasses, done. To the point where you go out on the bike thinking you’ve forgotten at least three things.

A quick pre-race selfie and we were lining up along with the rest of nos 1,000 to 1,999 ready to run 10km, ride 45km then run another 5km (seems excessive). Another run, this time through the rules (litterers will be disqualified – this is a Royal Park for goodness’ sake) and a quick pep-talk then you’re off.

Dave went off at something of a pace. Very promptly it became clear to me that Dave’s pace is not mine. And also that not having done a jot of training since the London Olympic Triathlon a month ago was a BIG mistake. By 2km I was already struggling. Dave, however, was having fun – shouting “Go Giants!” to the (bizarrely high number of) people in San Fran baseball caps, running backwards to wait for me as I fell back, mock chasing people when they overtook us etc.

But he was awesome. He kept me in it. Basically dragging me round the 10k and keeping me amused with plenty of chat (most of it unreturned). By 7k I felt a bit better and we got back to the bikes (I stripped off the two layers I’d foolishly kept on for the run) and set off.

Duathlons and triathlons are funny. Having already run 8k, you start to crave the bike “for a rest” and then on the last lap of the bike ride your crampy legs and dead buns want nothing more than to bear weight again, then as you limp around the last leg of the event, all you want is to get the (insert swear word of choice) thing over with and visit Fine Burger Co for a Crazy Larry or The Guv’nor.

On the bike, you also slip into a trance-like state. Helped in Richmond by the scenery – deer (deer, not “elk”, Dave) roaming around, views of London and glorious sunshine – you forget that you’re in a race. The fellas with pointy hats on the rumbly-wheeled tri bikes wake you from that feeling as they whizz by at 90mph.

Despite those occasional disturbances, you do enter a Zen-like state and become blissfully unaware of the pain in your legs. On Lap 2, I was there, only to be rudely awoken by a blood-curdling cry behind me. I turned to see some clown with all the gear – flash bike, all-white kit, smart helmet – rubbing his calf. Oh you’ve got cramp, we’ve all got fucking cramp, suck it up we don’t want to hear about it.

I looked back in front of me to see that I was no longer on the road but was instead about to go down the drainage ditch, which I did. As I tried to twist my foot out of the SPD, ironically my calf re-cramped and I resignedly left my foot where it was and rolled onto the soaking wet grass in a heap. Ignoring the amused faces of a mum and her two kids, I remounted and set off rejoining the traffic. Half a lap later, as I powered through the bottom of a descent, I hit an ancient Royal speed bump, was jolted to alert, and heard the spine-chilling tell-tale clatter of equipment falling off my bike.

Oh, it’s OK, it was only my iPhone 6 Plus (it’s got my bike computer app on it, I’m not one of these twats taking calls as I go round the course). Before I could retrieve it, I heard the tell-tale clatter of a speeding bike hitting the equipment that had fallen off my bike. Fearing the worst, I rushed over to rescue it from further punishment. Miraculously (big shout out to Armor-X, makers of my protective case/bike mount) it was intact. Phew!

On the next lap, I passed the same woman about six times (and there is no way I was lapping anyone). I’m pretty sure that really happened and it wasn’t a coconut-water induced hallucination. Seriously, every 500 yards she was in front of me again and I never saw her overtake. Unless there was a set of octuplets taking part, I have no idea how this happened.

By now I was on Lap 4, calf cramp was a distant-but-ever-present memory and groin cramp decided to pay a visit. Well hi, thanks ever so much for coming, don’t know what I’d have done without you. Not pleasant and that’s when I started, twistedly, craving the 5k.

Fortunately most of Transition had cleared out and gone home by the time I was there to put my runners back on. Seeing me try to bend over to tie my laces would have been most amusing.

The big incentive for this year’s race was that if you beat last year’s time, you got next year’s entry free. And I was poor in last year’s race, I figured I couldn’t do any worse. All I had to do was run more of the 5k than I did last year and I’d be golden. Also playing into my psyche was that, just a month ago, I ran a 10k after a 45km bike (having also spent an hour in the Thames – but the less said about that particular experience the better), so what could go wrong.

A lot, as it turns out. An age old IT band issue reared its ugly, IT bandy head in my right knee as I exited Transition, forcing me into a limping walk. I periodically ran ploddingly until the pain got too much then I walked again.

At about halfway, with my right quad stiffening where it joins the knee, my left quad went into full-on cramp. This is not something I’ve experienced before (but I didn’t scream blood-curdlingly, Flashy Bike Boy) so I Frankensteinedly (yes, that is a word, I Googled it) continued. It wouldn’t go away and I had visions of finishing “in the dramatic spirit of Julie Moss”.

Several people slowed to check on me – thank you if you were one of them – and eventually it subsided enough to plod some more. Amusingly, I also ran past one of the still-cycling octuplets, who it became apparent were doing the Ultra duathlon for crazy people. Finally the finish scaffolding came into view in the distance and having engaged in a walk-for-one-cone-run-for-three-cones battle with another cramped up runner (tall guy, blue and black outfit, leggings), I tightened my bra straps, gritted my teeth and jog-hobbled (jobbled?) to the finish.


Dave was already at the finish straight (no, I hadn’t caught him up).

Medal, banana, T-shirt, water. Check.

“Have you been here long?”

[Apologetically] “Yeah.”


“Yeah, about an hour.”


We shared war stories as we collected our bikes, before demolishing a Guv’nor each and heading for the car. While sitting in traffic as we tried to leave Richmond, Dave checked his time on the website. 3.13. Then he found mine.

Let’s just say, I’m paying for next year’s entry.

PS: Huge thanks to the organisers and all the marshalls – it’s a brilliant event made even more so by the help and support of the boys, girls, men and women in yellow T-shirts. And also thanks to the group of spectators on the nasty bike hill that cheered on “Beardy Man” three-quarters of the way up for three of the four laps.

Think damn it, what would Tom Hanks do (Part 2)

Previously on Think damn it, what would Tom Hanks do…

The Delta desk was very helpful, but I’d moved firmly into “I’m going to be as unpleasant as possible to the desk agent to make myself feel better” mode. In summary: I’d become everything I despise. But I was alright with it – I was tired and reasonably gutted that my dream of an airline’s mistake sending me home surrounded by empty bottles of champagne and laughing stewardesses in First Class had been ruthlessly popped.

Also playing into my consciousness was the last time I travelled out of JFK – after Super Bowl XLVIII – I was stranded there overnight, causing me to not just be late for my first day at Time Out London, but to skip my first day entirely and move straight into my second day. Inconvenient and a mite unprofessional, but great for avoiding those first-day nerves, by jingo.

And I remembered how the airport in the city that never sleeps shut down at about 10pm. At least on that occasion, I had Ben Holland for company, this time I was solo and I still had 14 hours to kill before my flight.

Should I leave the airport and hang out in Manhattan for a few hours, maybe look up Kev Newman for lunch? Perhaps take in a show. Yeah, but then I’d have to drag my wheely with a bum wheel around the streets of New York. And I’d have to get back to the airport. Occupation felt very much nine tenths of the law at this point.

Plus I hadn’t slept for 22 hours and the prospect of a chair even as uncomfortable as an airport chair was too strong to resist. First obstacle then, Security. Even at 5.30am the lines were ridiculous, so I joined the back and was herded, and I mean herded – we were berated if we hesitated in the maze of those strappy things (that my kids always lean on not realising they give way instantly until they’re in a pile on the floor – what do you call those?).

But the maze kept changing. The guards opened, closed and twirled straps like they were Will Ferrell in the rhythmic gymnastics section end game of Old School. I swear I passed the same people going in the opposite direction 50 or 60 times and then ended up directly behind them twice. If the worn-square wheel on my case wasn’t pissing me off already, by the time I got to the machine, I was ready to ditch it and all my worldly goods within.

And then I was in. With a whole airport at my disposal. Blinking at the lights like a man, well, like a man who hadn’t slept for 22 hours. So I slumped into the first seat I found and shut my eyes. Fearful of being arrested for vagrancy and further extending my stay in the state, I jolted awake every couple of minutes, mopping up puddles of dribble.

Luggage still with me, yes. NYPD officers surrounding me, no. Righto… zzzzzzz.

And so it went for an hour or so. Mildly refreshed, it was time to eat. Went for the Full American at the Palm Bar & Grille. English muffin, obv, I’m not a savage.

From there, I transferred to a coffee house that wasn’t there 18 months ago – Flatiron Coffee – that looked like it knew how to make a brew and more importantly had comfy chairs and sofas that had ‘early morning nap’ written all over them. Fucking vandals.

I ordered a flat white and was handed a gigantulo-cup which told me straight away, my brew hopes would be dashed. Americans don’t really get the flat white concept.

An Australian invention (what would we do without those Australians and their inventions?), designed for an intense, silky coffee experience, the recipe is (now would be the time to get your pencil and paper, if this was Blue Peter. And the ’70s) 4oz of steamed milk over 2oz of espresso (a double espresso, if you will).

By contrast, a latte is a double espresso topped up with 10oz of steamed milk and a touch of milk foam, while a cappuccino features 2oz of milk foam and 2oz of steamed milk.

Regular users of the flat white will note that it comes in one size. That’s essentially the point. A short, sharp, velvety shock.

Twice on my trip, to my confusion – once at Detroit Airport and then in a St Joseph, Missouri Starbucks – I was asked what size I wanted.

“There’s only one size isn’t there?” I prompted.

“True, but we’ve had people ask us to do bigger ones because it wasn’t big enough,” I was informed. Which would explain the weak, watery, milky mess I was handed in JFK.

By this point, I was sufficiently nourished and fuelled by guilt at missing a day (again) to do a bit of work, which killed a couple of hours.

There followed some urgent milling around, a light bit of sitting and some gentle fannying, which took me up to a late lunchtime.

Buffalo Wild Wings had some NFL Network on one of its many screens, so I plonked into a stool at the bar, slap bang in front of it. I figured the towels were off so I could enjoy a Negra Modelo with my chicken burger (no bun) with blue cheese sauce and sweet potato fries.

With nowhere to go, I ordered a pint of Modelo Especial – who doesn’t deserve to feel Especial once in a while? – to nurse while I watched the Liverpool v Bournemouth match with my left eye and the NFL preseason game with my right eye.

My drinking partners changed as I sat – one woman two seats to my left ordered a pint and a shot (it’s only two o’clock, love) which she got through in about 15mins, another lass to my right was on the neat vodka with her lunch and a dude at the end of the bar was on the expensive rum. I might start doing similar at train stations when I’m commuting. Look out Waterloo. Hardcore.

I may or may not have fallen asleep on my stool (sounds bad) at one point (I did), then I FaceTimed my boys (my sons, not my testicles) and treated myself to some new headphones. If you can’t t yourself when you’re in JFK, when can you? SEINNHEISERRRR! LIAR!

I then reversed my mill/sit/fanny combo from earlier and then sat again. Then it dawned on me that I didn’t actually live here unlike Tom Hanks’ in The Terminal (THERE it is! Always wait a blog and a half until you explain the headline – golden rule, people) and that I had a flight home to catch.

Checked my gate and sat. Watched one after another excitable American teenager arrive at the same gate, hug excitedly, shout loudly in an excited fashion and… did I mention they were excited? All I could see was my planned seven-hour sleep dissipating before my eyes.

The flight before mine boarded (Swissair somewhere) but no sign of my flight details were appearing behind the gate. So I had a look at the screens to see they’d changed my gate. To the gate at which myself and Ben Holland waited and waited and waited for our Super Bowl flight that never came. Ulp.

I wheeled Old Johnny Square Wheel over to B32. Sure enough, no sign of a London flight. Accra it said on the board. Is that even a place? Is that not a car? Am I that tired?

Accra as it turns out is in Ghana. And there’d been an hour or so of problems with the flight going to it. But that’s alright, those problems were over now and they were boarding.

“This is the final call for passengers Campbell, Fucknuts and Arsecandles (I can’t remember the other two names) for Flight 8008 (can’t remember the flight number) travelling to Accra. The gate is closing.”

“This is the final call for passengers Campbell, Fucknuts and Arsecandles (I can’t remember the other two names) for Flight 8008 (can’t remember the flight number) travelling to Accra. The gate is closing.”

“This is the immediate and final call for passengers Campbell, Fucknuts and Arsecandles (I can’t remember the other two names) for Flight 8008 (can’t remember the flight number) travelling to Accra. The gate is closing.”

“This is the immediate and final call for passengers Campbell, Fucknuts and Arsecandles (I can’t remember the other two names) for Flight 8008 (can’t remember the flight number) travelling to Accra. The gate is closing.”

Repeats for another half-hour. Question: US Federal Aviation Administration – when does “immediate and final” turn to “tough shit, we’ve waited long enough, we’re off”, especially when people have been vagranting up your airport for almost 24 hours and want to go home? Seemingly never.

Finally, the three stooges ambled up, showing no intention of rushing, or any thought for the 45-minute delay they’d added to the London flight. Perhaps they work at the FAA and knew they technically had all evening.

Anyhoo, I eventually boarded my plane and headed back to that England without any further drama. I’ll miss what now feels like my second home, JFK, but I can certainly understand why Hanks started talking to a volleyball.

What’s that, different film? Well that’s the entire set-up for both blogs – you’ve ruined it. And today. For everyone.

Think damn it, what would Tom Hanks do?


When we last left our intrepid training camp explorer, he’d left the Bills facility on Sunday afternoon and was heading to Rochester Airport (upstate New York, not the one near Comet in The Garden of England) to make the 45-minute hop to JFK at 6pm to race across the terminal to get an 8pm flight back to London to arrive early on Monday morning. Easy, right? Wrong…


Oh, this can’t be good. [Ping] Phone notification from TripCase – your flight details have changed. Uh-oh, they’d better not change too much, I’ve not got long between flights. 20 minutes later… [ping]… OK, this is looking bad.



In these situations, you see people fall into two camps. One group is the complainers – usually American (no offence), of which members make it their aim to transfer their anger and frustration at the poor unfortunate who happens to be manning the gate desk, hundreds of miles from the plane that’s failed to take off because of that nasty old lightning.

The other stall – it may be a British thing – politely takes their punishment and resignedly gets put on whichever flight they can be put on, not particularly caring that it’s Air Goat to Antwerp, followed by Shitpiece Airways back to Stansted (+ three days). I imagine these’ll be the same people curled up and weeping in a corner when the apocalypse comes. And come it will, you mark my words.

“I can get you on a flight to Detroit tomorrow at 12noon and then from Detroit to Heathrow,” says Mr Delta (probably not his real name) at 6pm Sunday.

“But that won’t get me back to London until Tuesday,” says me (real name).

[Keyboard tapping noises, concerned faces] “I can get you on standby for a flight to JFK tomorrow at 5am – I’d stay here rather than leaving the airport, Security gets really busy in the morning, which is why I think you’ve got a good chance of getting on the 5am flight. Then you’ll get the 8am flight to Heathrow, getting you in at 7pm.”


I sit, staring at my Air Goat ticket. OK, it’s now 6pm, that’s 11 hours to kill. [Googles driving directions from Rochester to JFK] Orrrrrr, I could hire a car and drive to JFK in six hours and be ready for that 8am flight. Standby or lengthy drive. Chance it or do the equivalent of a drive to Cornwall in an evening. Remain where you are or do a similar drive to the one you did last year on the West Coast from LA to San Francisco. You remember, the one where you woke up at the wheel several times and had to stop every 20 minutes for two hours before stopping at a rest stop and having a nap, all the while fearing for your life.

Fuck you, Air Goat! I’m going to drive this motherlover.

The familiar face at the National counter looks confused.

“Back again?”

“Yes, I need a car that I can drop off at JFK please.” Politeness costs nothing.

“Flight cancelled huh? The smallest thing I have left is a truck, but I can let you have it for the price of a compact.”


Keys in hand, I’m greeted by the sight of the beast that is the Dodge Ram, a monstrous five-seat pick-up truck for the UK uninitiated. Wide roads, I think, I’ll be fine. Resisting the urge to toss my luggage into the truckbed, I load up. Then comes a swift look around to check no-one’s watching in case climbing up into the driver’s seat like Jimmy Krankie getting on a chair goes badly.

Upon my throne, I survey the digital radio, try to fathom where the gearstick’s gone, hook up the phone charger and wedge the iPhone 6 Plus – remind me again why I got the big one – into the dashboard so I can see it. Crank up Googlemaps, pop SiriusXM NFL Radio on and away we go. Verrrrrrry, verrrrrrrry slowly and carefully, this thing is FUCKING HUGE!

Having safely exited the car lot, I hit the open road. And lovely it is too. Cows, fields (meadows rather than WC) and some incredible place names – hi, I’m Irondequoit Killawog. I went through Brighton, Manchester, past Waterloo, across the lake from Liverpool and past Moscow – where do they come up with these crazy names?

I listened to the excellent Gil Brandt and Alex Marvez on SiriusXM, I found some more K-Ci and JoJo and an awesome funk station. I watched the sunset. I panicked a bit. I stopped for a snooze two or three times at rest stops. I ate some nuts. NB: The last sentence is in no way related to the sentence prior to it.

The roads were wide, even with the jumbulo wheelbase the Ram was packing. Wide that is until I hit Upper Manhattan and The Bronx at around 1am. Right about then I was craving the Fiesta I’d dropped off hours earlier.

Still, I made it to JFK intact and with a second wind generated by the achievement of not dying on the road.

I made my way into the terminal to find the Virgin desk deserted but the Delta (they’re partners, you know) desk abuzz with five members of staff. I explain the situation to the first, second and third people who attempt to help me. They fail. Finally, the woman who was on my side of the desk, clearly waiting for the others to knock off at 2.30am (15 minutes away), grabs the initiative and my ticket.

Several calls later, the Rochester to JFK leg of my itinerary is wiped from the system so as not to confuse it and I just need to check in with Virgin when they open at 4am for my 8am flight home. So far, so smooth.

Except Virgin opens at 5am. And the system is far from unconfused. Virgin employee 1 looks befuddled. Virgin employee 2 talks gibberish to me – I kindly point out that he’s come back to the wrong desk and that he was dealing with the two lads to my right. Virgin employee 3 can’t work out what to do with my bit of paper and now I’m on my way to Virgin employee 4 out of the check-in area. This. Cannot. Be. Good.

“You’re not booked on this flight.”



“Delta haven’t booked you on this flight. I’ve got you on a Rochester to Detroit and Detroit to Heathrow flight. You’re in the wrong airport.”

“No. I’ve driven for six hours through the night to the RIGHT airport. Can you just book me on to this flight please?”

“It’s overbooked, I’m trying to get people off it. So even if Delta could correct it, they won’t be able to get you on this one anyway. Even First Class is full.”


To be continued…

Reminiscing with Rex in Rochester


Early in practice, with special teams occupying the field, I’m taking the opportunity to scribble some notes.

I hear a deep voice say, “Can I aks you a question?”

“Er, yes.”

“Where you get that?” [Points at my chin.]

“Er, I just grew it. Since about January.”

“That’s what I gotta do man.” [Resumes throw around with Charles Clay.]

“Er, alright.”

Welcome to Buffalo camp.

Rochester in the state of New York is the venue for Bills camp and gorgeous it is too. It has everything – trees, actual deer, real Little House on the Prairie-looking houses, everything. Oh, and strong safety Aaron Williams, who is apparently in the market for a new beard.

My night in Rochester – now 15 years ago a sentence starting like that would end in an anecdote about getting home from Aaron P Stones nightclub, then spending an hour trying to remove a contact lens, repeatedly falling into the mirror and banging my head because I can’t understand how it’s not there only to give up and go to bed before realising in the morning that it’d been knocked out with all the overly enthusiastic man-hugging before I got in the taxi. But those days are gone. [Dabs away tears.]

Sorry, blacked out for a second there. My night in Rochester didn’t start particularly well. The lovely lady at National had handed me the keys to my Fiesta and it had taken a mere 10 minutes to get to the Country Inn & Suites by Carlson (catchy), Rochester. And I’d passed a sushi restaurant two doors up. Now I love meat as much as the next man (sounded more macho in my head) but I was in the mood for some raw fish. Anyone got a problem with that? Thought not.

It was about 9.45pm and I realised there was every chance the place shut at 10pm, so I asked the receptionist as I checked in.

“Do you know what time the sushi restaurant closes?”

“Sushi restaurant?”

“Yeah, the one two doors up.”

“Do you know the name of it?”

“No. It says ‘Open’ outside.”

“The place next door says ‘Open’ outside and that’s been closed for months. And they always leave it unlocked. You could go in and help yourself.”

“Right. Thanks.”

I dumped my bags and jogged. I jogged. I jogged the 200 yards and entered the premises at 9.55pm. I was greeted by a member of staff and I asked if I was too late, she turned to the boss man behind the bar and asked, “Can I still seat him?”.

Boss man say, “Ah-ahhhh.” Bollocks.

I walked in the opposite direction – Dado looked like it was well lit and home to some top-notch French bistro cuisine. Just the ticket. Oh, clothes shop. Dinner was off.

Back in the room, I was giddy to discover I had NFL Network, so dived into the Tampa v Minnesota preseason game and before long I was off to the Land of Nod.

And what a visit to Nod it was. Without doubt, the finest sleep I have had in a long time. What a bed. What. A. Bed. Dunno what it was made of but I woke up refreshed and ready for the day. Looking at it with hindsight, perhaps God knew what was coming for me in the next 48 hours (more on that later) and felt just a little bit bad about Smokers’ Corner in Detroit (see previous column) and crafted it from the purest angel feathers. Or maybe I’m giving him too much credit.

Ready to rumble, I woke early and had my strange, but curiously delicious omelette-type things in the breakfast room. I then drove through sunny Rochester to the delightful St John Fisher campus that plays host to the Bills’ in the summer.

Escorted to the correct car park by an intern on a golf buggy, I was introduced to Media Relations Assistant Chris Fanelli, a Liverpool fan and all-round dude.

A light mill-around outside the locker room produced a walking chat with former Cardinals and 49ers legend, DBs coach Tim McDonald just in time to follow the players in for practice.

It was at that moment that I encountered the best name of the whole trip…


The name’s hertz, Manhertz.

Technically speaking, it’s Chris Manhertz but I just love the way the surname doubles as a job function. The former Canisius College basketball player had never played football at any level before camp and struggled in space all the while learning the position of tight end (the Bills would let him go but he was nabbed by the Saints, who have a history with ex-hoops players turned tight ends).

There were no clear divisions between the QBs during drills but some of EJ Manuel’s balls were sailing when he rolled out. (Update: Rex would announce this week that Tyrod Taylor had won the battle to start in Week 1.)


The main quarterback competition the crowd were treated to at practice was the sight of all four passers aiming rainbows into big nets set further and further away. The contest drew oohs and ahhs from the hundreds that had braved the sweltering heat as it turned into a Cassel v Taylor duel. Both were accurate to the left but the ahhs outweighed the yeahhhhs when they switched to the right.

Winner in the fashion stakes was wide receiver Robert Woods, whose shorts had been hand-snipped to form tasselled hems. Only Cameron Wake’s old-school cut-down pants at Miami camp rivalled Woods’ scissor work.

As ever at camp, there was LOUD MUSIC. We know by now that Houston boss Bill O’Brien loves a bit of Rick Ross but track of the day in Rochester was Whoomp! (There It Is) by Tag Team, which transported me right back to the ’90s. And my man, Steve Roll’nnnnnn…

It also reminded me of that time I did shots with the Baha Men (of Who Let The Dogs Out? fame), but that’s another story. Good times.

Post-practice, I caught up with former London Monarch and World Bowl I MVP, Danny Crossman, Buffalo special teams coach. He can’t wait to get back to the UK and revisit a few of his old haunts (The Red Lion pub was mentioned).


I then got to enjoy Rex Ryan chatting to the local media at the podium, before having the privilege of grabbing a few quick words with the first-year Bills coach. As a Bears fan, I couldn’t pass up the chance to ask him about his Dad’s Super Bowl-winning unit. You can read his thoughts on Buddy, Bears, Buffalo Bills and other things not beginning with b in the gameday programme.

After a cracking and unexpected turkey escalope with spicy gravy and broccoli and a very welcome bottle of water, I was on my way home for the first leg back to Blighty.

Little did I know, the fun was just about to begin…


Four NFL position groups looking dangerously thin

Carolina Panthers’ hopes for the season took a dive on Wednesday as they saw last year’s rookie sensation Kelvin Benjamin crumple to the turf during a joint practice with Miami. Later diagnosed as a torn ACL, Benjamin’s injury will put him out for 2015, leaving Cam Newton and the Panthers with a big question mark over the wide receiver position. Again.

The 6ft 5in 240-pounder’s absence leaves a group featuring speedsters Corey Brown and Tedd Ginn, possession receiver Jerricho Cotchery and second-rounder Devin Funchess, who’s got troubles of his own after pulling a hamstring later in the same practice session. Also in the mix are second-year man Brenton Bersin and former Packer Jarrett Boykin.

But it’s asking a lot for lightning to strike twice and have a rookie emerge as a star for a second straight season. Which means more responsibility will fall on the wider group (unless Wes Welker or Reggie Wayne get a call from GM Dave Gettleman). Brown was pencilled in opposite Benjamin at the start of camp but the second-year player has all of three starts and 21 receptions to his name.

Cotchery and Ginn have obviously been around the block but Ginn’s best output came in 2011 in San Francisco where he grabbed 38 balls for 466 yards and a TD in three starts. The 33-year-old Cotchery was Newton’s third option last year behind TE Greg Olsen and Benjamin, but his four-year stint as a starter with the Jets from 2006 to 2009 feels like a long time ago.

Teaming the 6ft 4in, 232lb Funchess with Benjamin must have had Newton’s mouth watering, but now the QB’s fingers will be crossed that the rookie’s hamstring issue doesn’t cost him many reps. Described as “a match-up nightmare” by Mike Mayock at Draft time, the Michigan product switched from tight end ahead of the 2014 college season. Panthers fans will be hoping those dark clouds hovering over Carolina have plenty of lightning in them.

Benjamin’s injury isn’t the only one causing furrowed preseason brows for head coaches. Here are three other teams with concerns with the Thursday night season kickoff a mere three weeks from tonight:

Team: Chicago Bears
Position: WR
John Fox will understand former Bears linebacker Ron Rivera’s pain over in Carolina. The first-year Bears head coach has also had to use his rubber on the wide receiver depth chart in the last seven days. With rookie Kevin White shut down for what could turn out to be the entire year and Alshon Jeffery in a walking boot after the last game, Eddie Royal is currently his primary option. Jeffery is said to be back to full speed but beyond them, depth is a concern. Former seventh-rounders Marquess Wilson and Mark Mariani have 24 combined career receptions and Josh Bellamy has bounced around four teams since 2012, playing 12 games without registering a reception.

Team: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Position: RT
Another man with an association with the Bears, their ex-head coach Lovie Smith, is sweating on his offensive line. With second-round rookies Donovan Smith and Ali Marpet pencilled in at left tackle and right guard respectively, the last thing the head coach needed to see was sixth-year vet Demar Dotson go down in Week 1 of preseason. It was feared that he’d torn his ACL but the latest is that it’s just a strained MCL, but that will cost the Southern Miss man at least six weeks. The Bucs signed Godser Cherilus, who boasts 100 starts with Detroit and Indy but he was released by the Colts in May with what appear to be chronic knee issues. Guard Patrick Omameh and second-year player Reid Fragel, waived by Atlanta in May are next men up.

Team: Buffalo Bills
Position: RB
Rex Ryan’s plans for a Ground & Pound offense took a dent on Tuesday when LeSean McCoy, the expected bellcow, was helped off the field for an MRI on a hamstring, while promising rookie Karlos Williams was hospitalised for undisclosed reasons. McCoy is predicted to be ready for the regular season but with fan favourite Fred Jackson recovering from a hamstring problem, Boobie Dixon and Bryce Brown bothered by calf and hamstring niggles respectively, the Bills only had undrafted rookie free agents Bronson Hill and Ricky Seale healthy for tonight’s preseason game with Cleveland. Cierre Wood was added to the mix on Wednesday but the second-year back out of Notre Dame had just three carries with the Texans in 2014.

Five reasons I love Big Vince Wilfork

Last night’s episode of Hard Knocks (on UK TV on Monday 1am and 11.45pm, Sky Sports 1) featured more from Vince Wilfork – sweat bubbles emerging from his shoes at practice and sharing a love of breakfast with JJ Watt. Here are five more reasons why you can’t help but love the former New England Patriot.

1 His wife Bianca Wilfork’s Instagram feed

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Not only does it feature gems like the picture above, Bianca, who also serves as Vince’s No1 fan in everything he does, routinely shares embarrassing videos of her husband, like this one and amusing clips like this one.

2 This catch of a punt in Patriots training camp

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Having previously given the players a day off in camp if Wilfork caught a punt then watching him make it look easy, Bill Belichick upped the ante in 2008, only to see Big Vince pull off this catch.

3 Last week’s Hard Knocks basketball scene

Superb TV. The “new Michael Jordan” puts up a few bricks to start with, but once he finds his rhythm… it’s awn!

“You don’t want it.”
“Too big. Big down here, Big Dawg. Big down here now. We gotta HAVE IT.”


PS: Not to be confused with this. “RAINDROPS!”

4. When he hits you, you stay hit

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Just ask Donald Jones. Go on, ask him. He can’t hear you, his ears are still ringing.

5. But most of all this…

There’s barbecuing and there’s dancing. Then there’s barbecuing while dancing. Go get it, Big Man!



Mini-moan in Motown

Permit me a small complaint. I was always led to believe that New York was the city that never sleeps. However, there’s a particularly nasty case of insomnia doing the rounds in Allen Park, Detroit or at least there was on the night I stayed there this week.

Slightly disorientated at 3am, I couldn’t quite believe that I could hear the people in the room next door so clearly and why they’d be so hateful as to wake up an old man that clearly requires a LOT of beauty sleep.

As the noise, kerfuffle if you will, continued it (crack of) dawned on me that it wasn’t coming from next door…

“That can’t be; that’s inside the room.”

“It’s reading right man, look!”

Then you’re not reading it right.”

“Five metres, man. Four. What the hell?”

Actually, they were below my second-floor window in the car park, in what was obviously some sort of smoking area. At 3am. In the morning. They finally went away and I crawled back up the wooden hills to Bedfordshire. Imagine my surprise and amusement when this repeated every hour for the next three hours until I eventually dragged myself into the shower and off to start my day. I mean, who’s got it so bad that they have to get up every hour to smoke? And invite friends to keep them company? Who? WHO? Answer meeeeeeeee.

But you don’t want to hear my troubles, word’s got out, you’re here for the LOLs and the fascinating American football insight, so let’s see if we can’t rustle some up.

Now I was fully awake I thought I’d brew myself a fresh cup of Joe. Then again, maybe I’d wait till I got downstairs.


Once I got to the Lions’ facility the contrast between the Holiday Inn Express, Allen Park and a slickly run organisation was abundantly clear. Whisked straight out to the practice field by Media Information Manager Eamonn Reynolds, I was promptly met by the vision in facial hair that is DeAndre Levy. We compared beard notes – he hasn’t trimmed his for a year – and then got on with the actual work.


Rookie running back Ameer Abdullah, hot off his explosive performance in Detroit’s first preseason game two nights hence, was next up. Within seconds, it was clear this wasn’t your average, wide-eyed, first-year player.

I’d read the Sports Illustrated story on him in their Draft preview and had kept my eye on which team he fell to in May. Like his cameo against the Jets demonstrated, he’s the real deal – polished, humble, thoughtful and erudite. Even the Lions PR team have been impressed by his professionalism.


There then followed a long break in a freezing cold (despite the 90º temperature outside) media work room, where I sat next to Brad Biggs of the Chicago Tribune at the moment he found out Bears wideout Kevin White was possibly out for the season.


Eventually it was practice time and I’d forgotten that Detroit do practice right. Fans close to the action, massive merchandise stand, live music and food trucks. And it was the food trucks that I had to visit first. Having eaten nothing for four hours, I needed to get my grub awn. Big queues at the Mexicasian (see what they’ve done there?) and another one, I plumped for the Detroit BBQ Company because it was quiet and it proudly announced, “Only meat. No sides” on its menu. My kind of people.

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That was possibly the best move I made all trip – I had the beef brisket. Nothing else, just brisket. Bris. Ket. Owner Tim or Zac Idzikoski (brothers innit) even sliced it into bitesize pieces with his big BBQ knife when he saw me struggling with the plastic affair, notebook and Dictaphone.


Shit me, it was good. Fortified with meat, and careful to wipe any tell-tale globules of BBQ sauce off my straggles, I joined the media for practice.


During an uptempo session – and I could watch Calvin Johnson run all day, the man’s huge but moves around the field like a ghost – the first-team offense was impressive. On the first play of 7-on-7, Matthew Stafford bulleted a pass through a tight window to Megatron, then followed it with a fastball to Golden Tate on a crossing pattern from the opposite side of the field.


I must admit to being slightly distracted during practice, not by meat sweats, that brisket was too pure to cause upset, but because I was trying to see over the crowd behind the end zone. The reason: between interviews earlier, I’d met Head Groundsman Charlie Coffin (second favourite name of the trip) and found out that when the practice facility was built, Charlie added a par three golf hole behind one of the pitches that’s open to the players and coaches whenever they want and he “maintains the hell out of it”.

Straight after practice, I met with both coordinators – defensive coach Teryl Austin and offensive boss Joe Lombardi (grandson of the legendary Vince, as if you didn’t know). Austin is a head coach-in-waiting – personable, smart and having been through the interview process with a number of teams this offseason, I’d be shocked if he’s not running a franchise this time next year.

Lombardi just seemed to be having fun and couldn’t wait to get back to London. There were points in the conversation where you’d have been pressed to work out who was the fan and who was the coach, albeit one was built like a defensive end and was wearing Lions gear, the other was slightly red on the forehead and had sore feet where he’d been standing around.

And then it was all over. Off to the airport and onwards to Buffalo camp in Rochester, NY as the sun set. As opposed to Rochester, Kent in the Garden of England, home of Charles Dickens and Aaron P Stones.


Quick flight and then to National to pick up my car – and that’s another perk of these trips, the huge, glamorous, exotic American cars I get to drive while I’m here. Mine’s the Fiesta on the left.


KC – that’s Kansas City, not the one with Jo-Jo or the one with The Sunshine Band


We’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto. I say we, I mean me and I need to stop imagining I’m friends with 80s soft rock bands.

With that corrected, a short introduction [you’ll have to imagine the strains of In The Air Tonight in the background] – I’m the editor of the gameday programmes for the NFL games at Wembley and a fan of the sport since 1985.

In my role, I get to visit the training camps of all the competing teams (usually in the company of my good friend Neil Reynolds and a deliciously inappropriate cameraman). We visited New York, Miami and Jacksonville in June, or back when Geno Smith had an intact jaw.

But for whatever reason, we’ve had to do separate trips for the three remaining teams – KC, Detroit and Buffalo – so it’s just me and my imaginary rock pals. The loneliness is probably what’s prompted me to start this blog!

I landed in Detroit a couple of hours ago after a few days in St Joseph, Missouri, where the Chiefs hold their camp at Missouri Western State University (go Griffons!).


I watched the Chiefs’ last practice before they headed off to Arizona for their first preseason game.

Alex Smith looked sharp (and his spleen showed no signs of the rupturing it received last season) and hit Jeremy Maclin on a deep pass that bodes well for fans starved of WRs catching touchdowns in Arrowhead Stadium.

The biggest cheer of the day, however, went up when Eric Berry picked off an errant pass and ran it back before punting it into the stands. As Justin Houston noted after practice, it was a sure sign that Berry’s timing is improving – the physical side, Houston said, has been there since the safety returned after treatment for Hodgkin’s lymphoma.

Jamaal Charles is a lot of fun to watch. We were lucky enough to see Adrian Peterson in action at camp two seasons ago – AD’s calves are like polished brass and he runs like his legs are made of silk.

Charles is just as smooth and turns the corner in a blink. No mean feat against a first-team Chiefs defence that features Berry, Houston (best defender in the league apart from the one in the city of the same name), a healthy-again Derrick Johnson, Dontari Poe and Tamba Hali.

On the podium after practice, Charles couldn’t say enough positive things about the shuffled, reinforced offensive line, at one point likening free agent signee Ben Grubbs to former Chief great Brian Waters.

Couple the improvement up front with a lack of the niggling injuries that bothered him in 2014 and KC fans, as well as fantasy owners, will be rubbing their hands with glee (not ghee, that’d be really slidey).

I sat down with Alex Smith, who doesn’t have entirely fond memories of London, having separated a shoulder the Sunday before the 49ers clash with Denver in 2010 and watching Mike Singletary start his namesake Troy in his place.

One of those people that you can’t help rooting for, Smith finally looks happy and comfortable – a lot of which is probably down to the respect that Andy Reid has shown him in his two years in KC. Go on, Smitty.

Also in Jessie James country, I bumped into kicker Cairo Santos, who I last saw when he was over in London a few weeks back. He headed straight for Europe after doing the publicity rounds in the UK and rated London ahead of Paris and Rome. Good lad.

Surprisingly, my longest conversation was an unscheduled chat with punter Dustin Colquitt. We got in-depth about the art of punting (read that in the game programme) and he told me how gutted he was that he couldn’t make the trip that Santos ended up going on in his place. Needless to say, he’s looking forward to Week 8 and finally getting to Wembley.

One of the great parts of these trips is being able to watch football at a reasonable hour rather than it being in the middle of the night.

Not that I took advantage last evening. Full of ribs and Dos Equis from Uncle D’s sports bar in St Joe’s, I rushed back to my hotel room to try to catch the second half of New England v Green Bay. After half an hour of confusing Game Pass by trying to log in overseas with a UK subscription, I crashed out. Jetlag is a fickle mistress.

In fact, I got updated on the evening’s performances by email from England before I had a chance to watch them (oof, Josh Freeman). My writer friend Rob Williams may have a point when he said, “These trips are wasted on you” this afternoon.


I must say the food has been poor on this trip. In June, highlights included fresh fish in Fort Lauderdale and breakfast at the legendary Floridian Diner (Texas omelette pictured above). While Le Peep has done a reasonable job of the most important meal of the day the last two mornings, I’ve not been blown away by dinner. Top of the list so far was tonight’s salmon, topped with crab and shrimp at the Fairlane Town Center. I’m almost certain it was pulled straight from the sea off the Detroit coast this very morning.

But you don’t want to hear my troubles…

Tomorrow in Motown, I’ll hopefully be talking to the Lions’ already much-hyped rookie RB Ameer Abdullah about his exciting preseason debut, DeAndre Levy, Stephen Tulloch, Glover Quin and Golden Tate, among others. Then it’s a sprint to the airport to head to Buffalo.